The Prime Snarker here at SN Industries LTD has built up so much wealth, status, glory and ill will here on the Nacle that everyone's favorite chihuahua wants to retire before the paws wear out, and live out those golden doggie days in relative obscurity and infamy.
The good news is you, yes you, can commit chihuahuacide as your going away present. We have decided to have some fun with this by casting it as a sort of Clue game, where you pick Who, Where and How the Snarker is done in. In other words, it will be Colonel Mustard in the Kitchen with the Candlestick, except you can be as creative as you like submitting Nacle relevant Who, Where and How instead. And, to top it all off, there will be a final category of Who you think the Snarker is, in other words, when the Snarker is done in, they will be unmasked by their assailant. I hope that makes sense.
OK, so submit your entries here in the comments for Who, Where and How the chihuahuacide is committed and Who the Snarker is. Then all the entries will be tallied and it will be thrown into a SurveyMonkey survey sometime early next week. The results will be turned into a rediculously (that was for you Brian G) overblow fictional dramedy per the usual treatment things like this get here on the SnakerNacle.
And, please people, be creative in your nominations.
P.S., never fear, the SnarkerNacle will continue. The BloggerNacle Snarkette will take over the position of President and the others will remain in their positions as anonymous contributors, with Shiz and Dazz on as guest allies in dubious taste. The Snarkette will be posting as she sees fit, which, based upon prior performance, will be less often than the Snarker.
24 comments
Who's going to sign my paycheck? Make sure you get Snarkette the bank signature cards.
guest allies in dubious taste
I don't think I've ever received a higher compliment...
"The Prime Snarker ... "
Shouldn't that be "The Alpha Snarker"? Caninity being what it is, I mean.
I personally had hope that the snarker would continue like the man in black from the Princess Bride. An unending tradition of snarkers with protected identities
...or Johnny Lingo
In an unexpected burst of poetic justice, the chihuahua is killed by hearing Kaimi perform karaoke.
And when unmasked, the snarker turns out to be . . . [well, given recent developments, it wouldn't be so nice to unmask him at present, would it?]
And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids and your dog!
Heh. I big game of Mafia.
Errr... A big game of Mafia.
Gr.
Furious at his inability to elicit a snarkworthy comment from the Last Lemming, the chihuahua takes a bite out of the lemming's inner tube and jumps off a cliff into the turbulent waters of the Bloggernacle Complainers (or BC) Sea, in hopes that the lemming will follow and drown. Unfortunately, the chihuahua cannot swim and drowns instead. The lemming, on the other hand, has a patch kit and pump handy, and survives the jump unscathed. The spirit of the chihuahua haunts the BC Sea under the name of Steve Evans, who is just too busy to handle two blogs at once.
What?! The Chihuahua is dead? I feel so lonely, I guess I'm going to have to try and adopt a dog this weekend.
I did hate the way he peed everytime you picked him! The constant shaking was driving me a little crazy too.
Late one night our favorite little chihuahua was seated comfortable in his house composing snarks. He didn't hear the doggy door open until it was too late. They found him the next morning with all the blood sucked out of his little doggy body, but fortunately, the peaches were still intact.
It was the chupacabra, in the doghouse, with fangs.
He went to the highest degree of the chihuahua kingdom where Steve Evans is his ministering angel and feeds him milkbones and doggy treats for time and all eternity.
Here's how I see it: permabores conspire to secret combinations and arrange for death by fire, a la Abinadi. (it always seemed to me that after being burned at the stake, they should call him Abinadead.) the next morning, chihuhua awakens to find himself embedded as the main ingredient in a Chalupa. somehow, he is not surprised....
as to guessing the identity of the Snarker, we don't care. It's not about you. Don't be like ana Marie Cox who killed Wonkette when she departed for bigger/better things in a publicity supernova. Don't be like busier-than-thou Nate Oman who said he was gone (but wait, he's back!), only to remind us how busy he is and how lucky we are that he will deduct from his schedule in six-minute increments to post.
Just leave quietly, hand over the reins, and don't make it about you. Do us all a favor and skip the swan song.
"Be not as the permabores, who brood over their long nights at the keyboard and remind thee how lucky thou art to receive from them." Snarker 2:11
remember, quality not quantity. 2-3 snarks a day is too many!!!
The Snarker is well pleased at the submission thus far. And I am sure Steve Evans is as well.
As for that one anon comment right above there. You are right that it is not about me, it never had been, never will. But, behold the wisdom of the Snarkers:
"Lo, catharsis does dissipate much anger and jealousy."
And also one more you appear to have overlooked:
"Behold, the one who doth complain much and contribute little, their voice is as the effervescence which doth exit from the posterior; and doth surpass the toleration of good company."
The Snarker never said they would reveal themselves, only that the Nacle could submit who they think it is and then vote on it. There was nothing in there about the Snarker disclosing themselves for all the Nacle to see. So, you can just hop on your swan and ride off into the sunset singing along with it, hon.
Newsflash: A feminist mormon housewive accidently sat on the chihuahua -- killing him instantly.
er, housewife!
And, to top it all off, there will be a final category of Who you think the Snarker is, in other words, when the Snarker is done in, they will be unmasked by their assailant. I hope that makes sense.
Well, it seems that it doesn't really make sense, does it? Because having Snarker unmasked by "their" assailant means a revelation of some sort. It would seem.
Anyway, the Chihuahua should not be committing dogicide. Should not i say, should NOT!
Meems, the Nacle can nominate who they think the Snarker is and then then Nacle can vote on it. Whoever wins that vote is then "unmasked". At no point do I suggest that I will confirm the accuracy of the voting or the voice of the people. The Snarker remains the Snarker.
And, don't worry too much. While the Snarkette will assume the office, the Snarker will be available for consulations, being on garden leave.
snarker, I am not just a complainer but also the author of the earlier sonnets ("shall I compare thee to a permabore"). mostly i am jealous that i have not been admitted to the snarkernacle.
moreover, the grief of contemplating diminished snarkerthroughput leaves me at a loss for (intelligent) wording. hence i troll and grumble.
I really hope it's like that scene in Star Wars where Luke is fighting a vision of Darth Vader on Degoba(sp?) and cuts off Darth's head only to find his own face behind the mask. That'd be cool.
Don't go? Please? You're practically the only thing worth reading any more.
anonymous sonnet writer,
You may apply for employment with SN Industries LTD by sending a letter of enquiry to snarkernacle@yahoo.ca
Inside sources inform me that your application will receive favourable reviews and will probably result in an offer being extended.
At no point do I suggest that I will confirm the accuracy of the voting or the voice of the people. The Snarker remains the Snarker.
Good!
oh dear! the snarker has followed the 12 step program and is now leaving. :( sniff...
Given the frequent Limey stuff, I guess one of the Snarkers is a Brit. Ronan?
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