FMH Supports Alternative....Commencements

Thanks to an opaquely anonymous guest post at FMH, the ‘Nacle has been alerted to the upcoming “Alternative Commencement” at BYU. The author has evidently met with all thirty-five Daily Kos inspired Happy Valley Net Nuts several times – mostly due to the fact none of them have anything resembling a life and therefore have plenty of time to waste in the pursuit of mediocrity.

Unbeknownst to the “swarm” of anti-Cheney protesters, we dispatched Special Agent Snark to take pictures and record the audio from the assembled mass of people. Some listed the number of protestors in the thousands, but these were the same people who counted the Not Quite A Million Man March.

Here’s what Agent Snark recorded for posterity.

I’m a BYU liberal, and I’m okay
I read Kos all night and I whine all day.
He’s a BYU liberal and he’s okay
He reads Kos all night and he whines all day.
I hug my trees. I eat tofu
On the can I use no TP.
On Tuesdays I go protesting
And burn Dick Cheney’s effigy.
He hugs his trees. He eats tofu
On the can he uses no TP.
On Tuesdays he goes protesting
And burns Dick Cheney’s effigy

He’s a BYU liberal and he’s okay.
He reads Kos all night and he whines all day.
Psst. Wanna buy a T-shirt?

Silence, Capitalist Infidel!!!

…

Thanks! I hug my trees. I rant and rave.
I give cool interviews.
I wish I was in Berkeley
Instead of the JKHB!

He hugs his trees. He rants and raves.
He gives cool interviews.
He’d like to be in Berkeley,
Instead of the JKHB.

He’s a BYU liberal and he’s okay.
He reads Kos all night and he whines all day.

I hug my trees. I call Cheney names
Like “Torturer”, “Thief”, and “Criminal”.
I liken him to Hitler.
And worship Hillary!

He hugs his trees, calls Cheney names
Like “Torturer”, “Thief”, and “Criminal”.
He likens Dick to Hitler
And worships Hillary?!?

What’s this? Worships Hillary? And we thought you were so rugged. Thhhpptth!

He’s a BYU liberal and he’s okaaayyy!!
He reads Kos all night and he whiiinnneess aaallllll daaaayyyy!

Author's note: For those of you unfamiliar with Monty Python's Lumberjack skit, first you should be ashamed. Enlighten yourselves here: