Connor Boyack was recently diagnosed with an accute bastic failure and in dire need of an emergency transplant because he has been bombing his entirely too much, too hard and without pause.
Normally, abuse of organs is grounds for rejection of application for transplant. But, owing to Connor's relative youth, naivety and over-excitable nature, Doctors have decided to go ahead and authorize a replacement bastic for him in the hopes a more rhetorically mature and magniloquently responsable one can be found. If a donor organ is not found soon, Connor will no doubt face a profound and painful lack of tumid political prose that might effectively serve to silence him.
An anonymous member of Connor's family was quoted as saying, "We realize that someone must sacrifice, some family must suffer a loss, but if our family can benefit thereby, we promise to never allow Connor to visit or communicate with them...ever."
2 comments
Wow, this is like the fifth or sixth time you've snarked this guy.. does somebody have an obsession?
Yes, Connor, you are so charismatic, scholarly, objective and prosaic in your writings we simply cannot look away. We bask in your brilliance. Forsooth, light through yonder window breaks, it is the east, and Connor is the sun.
Actually, no, Connor, you are such a nut job it is hard to restrain ourselves from making fun of your crazed antics.
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