Now that the Holiday Season is upon us and we are busy racking up all kinds of debt buying newer and more electronic gizmos that beep and boop, we need some more handy reasons to spend the money we have on ourselves, and not live that silly old Law of Consecration thingy. I mean, whatever the heck is that about? Totally communist if you ask me, what about capitalism? OK, well, it turns out that if we go and share our wealth with other members, then that makes us look bad to the Muslims, like we are buying converts. Wow, never thought of that! I will be sure to fight that misperception by not giving anyone outside my family one thin dime. Cool. More for me.
Kaimi has done all of us gormless slackers the favor of pointing out it really isn't all that difficult to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. Phew, thanks for that!
Even as the nome de plumers continue to post, Blather of Heathens has finally been de-listed from the Mormon Archipelago. Why now, instead of a few weeks back when the whole debaucle was unveiled? Probably because the Nacle Elite who run MA are irritated that BOH made the SLTrib, with pics and all, and they have not.
Frank McIntyre over at T&S, maybe we should call it T&A for this one, is looking for an excuse to talk about Hawt Babes. Feel free to wade into the quagmire, posting your definitions of "hot" and "babe" and pictures thereof to substantiate your deliberate and thoughtful position. Being an economist, we are confidant Frank will be able to remain objective on the subject.
The guys at NDBF and the various arch-conservatives at M* and T&S let out a little gasp of joy and curled their toes in sheer delight when Larry King's wife publicly came out in support of ID, while these guys alternated between laughing and swearing.
I don't know, but I am guessing Heather O. doesn't know what "prick" means. Kind of like when people say "schmuck" and "putz", not knowing the etymology. Then again, maybe she is a little less straight-laced than all that. Just wait until the kids find out though, they never let you live that kind of thing down and will be running around the neighborhood calling everyone a "prick".
Apparently spurred by this conversation on BCC (and failing to give props--BOO!), Julie M. Smith at T&S decides to champion an alternative from "a very bright friend in Wisconsin" (Why soil your hands by posting to BCC? Eeew!). The presentation itself is rather hackneyed, so when she talks about the friend being very bright, she simply must be talking about the stunning representation of the Personality Matrix, rendered lovingly in stunning 16 color bitmapped glory. OK, maybe not. Maybe its the "Blue lines are cold wars, and red lines are hot wars" insight. No? Alright, then I am genuinely confused. I mean, Julie is usually so astute about these things.
gst, someone who apparently is pals with the Snarker's much beloved Nate Oman, is guest blogging over at Nine Moons, and he certainly has a much better developed sense of humor than our beloved O. Unfortunately for him, his blatant, and rather amusing, attempt at satire largely falls flat when a bunch of humorless whiners collect themselves and complain the comparison is unfair. Come on people, does he have to put up a blinking bold italics underlined warning with a big arrow <<--- pointing at the less-than-serious part?
The best is when the alleged founder of The Millennium Group comes in to "shame shame shame" all Mormons in existence for acting this way. It has got to be someone parody posting, mocking all the humorless whiners, as the individual, who is allegedly not LDS, says they thought it was "an LDS blog" not a "a Mormon blog" and then calls it "the Church". How many non-LDS persons refer to the Church as "the Church"? None. It is probably gst.
...you had better make sure the payments are in on your husband's life insurance. If you don't have any, honey, let me know, my agent is great.
Justin, over at the Mormon Wasp, a blog that has pretty much nothing to do whatsoever with its alleged namesake, has discovered President Hinckley has recycled an old talk from a 1977 General Conference for December's First Presidency message, with some editing to bring it up to date. While neither Justin nor any of the commenters have had the guts to explicitly say it, preferring instead to beat around the bush, its pretty obvious what they are all insinuating, without ever actually saying it, lest someone take them to task. Nothing like maintaining plausible deniability.
Nevermind not one of these whining slackers have accomplished, traveled, taught, spoken or written one tenth of what this guy does in one year, in his nineties no less, in their entire lives. Hey, it says that after I get the beam out of my own eye, then I can pick at motes in other people's eyes, right? If thats the best you can do guys, you got nuthin.
Guess what? The people behind Blather of Heathens, most of which have apologized repeatedly and insisted they are sorry, are in fact "secretly proud of [their] art". What a surprise, their apologies are as sincere and deep as their blog. Anyway, the good news is their deceitful enterprise has resulted in the death of a few more trees in the production of puppy housetraining litter. Enjoy your 15 minutes of infamy kids. Honestly though, I expected Dastardly DKL to be fatter.
The Bloggernacle Snarker received a Masochism Award from The Angry self-styled Mormon, supported by Ann, the New Order self-styled Mormon. The award entitles the recipient to not have to read Trap, No Trap or NewOrderMormon.org ever again. The Bloggernacle Snarker repeatedly said "Thank you, oh, thank you" nearly breaking into tears at times. The Snarker finally broke down and said "You have no idea how much this means to me".
Mormons always like to talk about being saviors of people in doing all of this vicarious ordinance work and missionary work and stuff. But, in the Bloggernacle, there is no doubt in my mind that Susan M is the one sparing all of us of the wild and crazy things that can happen daily, and yet don't, because they all happen to her. Its like when Garp bought the house the plane had just crashed into because he knew it was pre-disastered. I know with Susan M around, the odds of something unpredictable happening in my life are statistically miniscule, so I feel safe knowing she is here protecting us all from the vagaries of life.
Either "I certainly enjoyed the company and I had a very comfortable and relaxing time" is a euphemism, or Crystal is looking to get ahead in her career, a la Lewinsky.
After the callous and insensitive post, Aaron Brown admits to maybe, possibly, kinda sorta, well, alright its true, being a jerk (oops, I mean, "timing challenged"). But, he had a serious point to make after all, so here it is, as an after-the-fact justification, as opposed to an apology.
Thanks, Ronan...erm...uh...I mean...Steve Evans... for beating Aaron into submission so as to keep BCC on track.
While attempting to improve the quality of content by hosting Dialogue staffers, you have Dave, who vehemently attacks anyone who dares voice a differing opinion. And then you have unfeeling, callous permabloggers like Aaron Brown who mock the tragic death of a kid who allegedly jumped from a vehicle over profanity. Nice dichotomy.
Dave's faux pas is forgiveable given the awkwardness of the medium and his general smugness. But, did it ever occur to Aaron Brown, apparently a lawyer, the only witness is the lead suspect if there is any indication of foul play, and that lead witness is possibly a liar, who at the very least is going to withold information so as to exonerate himself? No, no, lets just mock other people's pain and agony by trivializing the whole matter as utterly merciless satire. Does something bad have to happen to you personally for it to not be funny?
Hey, the Snarker is snarky, but mocking a literal fatality is just reediculous.
Ronan, as President Pro Tempore you need to step in and delete this thread if you don't want the stain to be on BCC. What is the point of trying to elevate the quality of your group blog by having Dialogue people on, only to have your permabloggers make you look like idiots?
Dear Septimus,
No, it is I who is the lucky one. I am relieved you have finally been honest with me. And, now, I need to be honest with you. I have had a personal revelation that you and I are destined to be married in the Temple. Yes, Septimus, I love you. That is why I pushed you so hard to get baptised before I went home, so we could be together. I don't care that you are bipolar, its OK, I have an eating disorder because of low self-esteem, so I can totally identify with that. You see, we are made for each other. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that in the spirit world you and I committed to each other to be together forever. Now that Dale is dead, I will be your companion, your comforter, your support.
Love, the one you are to cleave to,
Sister Tidwell
Ben Huff, for some totally inexplicable reason brown noses Nate Oman, wondering aloud where the best place is for promising, "interesting young scholar-types" like Nate. What the heck is this guy thinking?
OK, no, I get it now. This has got to be a Snarker freebie. He simply cannot be serious. Got it. He is trying to snark the Snarker. Ha ha, can't fool me. Its all just a big joke. Come on, nobody who writes about sacramental white bread, deer, compost, total philosophical baloney, and self-absorbed Gilbert & Sullivan spoofs can be taken serious.
Keep up the good work Ben, thanks for making my job easy. How about next week you post something on how Adam Greenwood should have been Bush's SCOTUS nominee, not Scalito.
Hey, wait a minute. What if Ben looks up to Nate, and fancies himself as sort of a Nate Oman protege? And in asking the question about Nate, he is in fact thinking of himself? Hmmmmm. Nah, that is just too implausible.
Great! Now Millennial Star, Champions of Orthodoxy and all things CES, is trying to make the Nacle respectable by having actual for-real people of noteworthy interest participate. First, BCC gets experienced, articulate, published writers involved, and now this! Come on people, the Nacle is for wild speculation and adamantly opinionated, totally uninformed people who reject rationale discourse in any guise. You M* bourgeoise are discriminating against all of the current Nacle Bloggers by bringing these informed, reasoned, thoughtful deep-thinkers around. We will not stand for this! Summon Flame War! Bash their heads in!
Aaron B. Cox is going to be in Seattle and is angling for a meeting with Prudence McPrude. A match made in he...aven.
Not content to self-flagellate on Blather of Heathens, DKL goes ultra-masochistic on BCC, Freudian style. Nothing like polluting a reasonably thoughtful conversation with puerile innuendo. Hey, if you are going to go down, it may as well be in a blaze of adolescent vainglory. Next up: Porky's 4:The Gospel According to DKL.
Sometimes the open nature of the interweb results in things that simply make reason stare. Then again, it makes my job so, so easy. Oh, yeah, did I mention a Manitou has posessed the Loch Ness Monster and it is running amok in Lake George, NY? I hear Nessie is slated to be exorcised by Bat Boy!
Hey all you residents of the East Coast, or Naclers who will be out there for the Thanksgiving Holiday, Steve Evans, former BCC tsar, will be having Naclers over for some eats. I don't know what else is on the menu, but Steve will be having:
Crow
His own hat
Sour grapes
The normally unflappable, painstakingly polite Clark Goble is finally pushed to the limit when a bunch of johnny-come-latelys with stupid fake names jump on the bandwagon to shovel a bunch of crap at him over Rough Stone Rolling. Too polite to just point out these people are a bunch of malcontents and ban them, he instead wags his finger and gives them a stern talking to! Careful, Clark, you might break into a sweat. For the guy who carries a gun, I have a hard time believing he would ever actually use it. You never know though, he could be one of those Bernard Goetz types.
I know I wasn't the only one hoping this thread would turn into a discussion of which Genesis characters were which Autobots or Decepticons. So if Adam is Optimus Prime then Cain has to be Megatron and Lamech is Starscream, right? Well, who would Abel be? Dang it GeoffJ, how could you tease us like that?
Pretentious Nate and Kontentious Kurt duke it out over irrelevant nonsense, proving its all about the ego, or I guess in this case, the id, but "EgoBots" sounds more like "Robots" than "IdBots". Nothing personal there, nope, not at all.
Heather P fails to stir up the desired controversy by wearing slacks to Church, but she does succeed in getting men to contemplate violating the Commandments. Looks like someone needs to talk to his Bishop! Commenters generally condone the practice, with not even the hard-line orthodoxy weighing in to condemn the practice. Sounds like a tacit approval to me! Slippery slope here people. Where are Adam Greenwood and John W. Redelfs when you need them?
Thx to e-mail tipster.
The results of Tuesday's BCC President Pro Tempore election have heartened Steve Evans to the point where he has ended his self-imposed bannination and returned to BCC. However, he has adopted a self-depricating pseudonym of Supergenius, to show his contrition.
Rejoice all ye politcally south-pawed, your banished leader returns!
And there was much rejoicing. Yay.
It looks like most BCC fans are locked in a state of complete denial. Those not playing Cleopatra have decided its got to be Ronan.
No votes at all for Aaron, Bob, or Dave? Wow, they didn't even vote for themselves (don't even try to tell me they don't read the Snarkernacle)? I guess they don't want the relentless burden that is President Pro Tempore, or they don't want the stain that comes with the office.
Of course, there were some good snarks thrown in there. No doubt TMILisa was a write in over her Lindor Mint Truffles thing, which has no doubt increased FMH male readership after the XY exodus from the discussion of cramps.
Without doubt, Adam voted for himself. And in the interest of self-disclosure, the Snarker itself did not vote, so that one was by some other snarky Snarker, whom we live to serve.
No, no, George Romero is not planning a Mormon zombie movie. DKL is planning an undead version of the Punch & Judy Show where he beats on the morbid body of Miranda Park-Jones, who's long neck is now locked in rigor mortis. Since all of the other writers have abandoned the cause, the only one left is DKL, so its on to more mysogynistic Miranda bashing for the King. Unless of course the King is going to adopt all six personas and make the little blog that could chug back up the hill against all odds. Hey, maybe King is planning on getting other people to pretend they are the other characters, then the Nacle has to guess who is playing each character. Now, wouldn't that be novel?
Well here it is folks, time to vote for the new Governor of BCC.
As hoped, Ronan threw his hat into the ring with a somewhat controversial post regarding the ambiguous history surrounding Smith's translation of the Book of Mormon, even having the nerve to bring up that awful cartoon with poor production values. It drew considerable comment for only one day out, but was nowhere close to Aaron Brown's wide lead over the pack.
So, at the end of the electioneering, here are the box scores:
112 Aaron Brown
41 Dave Underhill
39 Bob Caswell
37 Ronan Head
The last three are neck and neck. Surely if Ronan had posted a day earlier he would have handily taken a strong second place, so his late-in-the game strategy failed.
The question is, will the voting match the polling?
Vote for the next governator of BCC! Hit it!
Official results posted tommorrow morning. No unauthorized exit polling permitted, and no last minute electioneering within 50' of the polling stations!
Adam clearly wasn't paying attention to anything going on at Church on Sunday. Instead, he was thinking deep thoughts about important things where Mormons really need to do a lot better on. Especially all of you who bring books to Church, when you should be interacting with all of those interesting people, whom he likens to grapes. Um, Adam, being "a connoisseur of character", one would think you would learn to appreciate the book-toting introverts who find banal conversation about BYU football games a waste of time, so they use the idle time at Church to work on their bookpile.
But, we all know what Adam really meant to say! He wants to crush all slacker liberal Mormons who read Signature Books instead of listening to him like grapes beneath his heel, so he can drink of the wine of his wrath over how apostate they are. Admit it Adam, you would if you could.
Lisa gets up close and a little too personal with some hawt nawty self-disclosures regarding Lindor Mint truffles. Careful honey, use of said product in a manner not intended by manufacturer can result in unpleasant side effects.
In other news: Utah grocery stores saw shelves emptied of Lindt Lindor truffles over the weekend. Area dentists reportedly pleased with increase in cavity-related walk-ins, which they incorrectly attribute to fathers hogging their children's Halloween candy, but fathers allow the innacurate assumption to persist, preferring that over explaining the real source of their cavities to their Denstist, who also happens to be their ward's High Councilman. Use of anti-depressants reportedly down among Utah wives.
Thx to e-mail tipster
Owing to unseasonably warm weather blanketing much of the nation and the impending holidays, the vast majority of bloggernacclers went outside this weekend for the first time in a long, long time, as evidenced by the relatively few new comments and even fewer new posts produced on Saturday & Sunday.
One usually busy naccle commentator was overheard saying "Wow, my legs are so sore from all this walking. I should have shopped online. Oh, man, I have a blister."
Dusty sunglasses were donned by many Blog writers as their spouses, family members, and other close acquaintenances forcibly removed them from their computers and made them experience the world outside. "We were beginning to think Sally (name changed to protect the innocent) was developing an acute case of agorophobia, but we realized it was just Newton's First Law taking its toll."
A prominent Naccle writer was spotted sitting outside a woman's dressing room in the Orem, UT University Mall ZCMI and was heard saying "I should have brought my laptop", while looking at his watch. Shortly thereafter he was overheard to say "Come on honey, babysitter is ten bucks an hour, lets move it."
The weekend did little to change rankings on the BCC Box Scores, although there was some notable intrigue. Aaron Brown's high comment thread was shut down by the "Admin" and is now languishing. The amazing thing is none of the other contenders really took advantage of Brown's setback to try and take the lead.
The intrigue came as DMI Dave played "Admin", shutting Brown down, while he himself posting his third missive, going for quantity over quality. Unfortunately for Dave, his alphabetical TTTF posts are usually dry and uncontroversial, so he garnered almost no comments, and was even outpaced by Bob's stale anti-BYU rant. Was Dave motivated by jealousy, or does he just find discussion of incest unpalatable, or both?
And so, the November Box Scores are tallied at:
112 Aaron Brown
39 Bob Caswell
29 Dave Underhill
Brown has been shut down, but he is still the leader by a mile. Will Ronan step up to the plate, having returned from his travels? Will Brown post again, or has he grown lazy with his commanding lead? Will Dave silence Brown again? Only time will tell! And all the Nacle hold its breath as the drama that is BCC waits to unfurl itself and herald a new king! Surely someone will take up the Blacks & The Priesthood banner and unfurl it to hundreds of comments!
Dave, never one to be outdone, has posted his second time in as many days, bringing over his version of "Nacle Current Events" from DMI. But, even with two posts, Dave is only racking up a paltry 26 comments between both at posting time. Bob Caswell made a valiant effort by badmouthing BYU, another perennial favorite, but fell down flat on the weak argument that didn't generate any controversy whatsoever and petered out with a rather poor performance of only 21 comments.
Lets take a look at the November Box Scores:
68 Aaron Brown
26 Dave Underhill
21 Bob Caswell
Aaron Brown has maintained the edge in the race to be King of BCC with his Gay Nacle post, at a strong 68 comments. The competition is sure to heat up as we get closer to the finish line. Will others weigh in? Surely Ronan will! Its time for the other contenders to turn up the heat on Brown and see if he has lasting power, or if he is just a rabbit. Only time will tell.
If you can have Civil War reenactments, and Revolutionary War reenactments, then why not Scripture reenactments? Yesterday, we saw the first Bloggernacle Scripture reenactment, and we hope it is only the first of many. MaioCampo picked the Scrip and then GeoffJ and his son reenacted the scene! Cool! I cannot wait for the Coriantumr and Shiz grand finale, that'll be hawt!
Announcing the results of the first, and probably last, Snarky Survey (Why last? because survey monkey wants you to hwarf up $20 to publish results online for the public, which meant the Snarker had to screengrab then edit the results and upload them to blogger, which was a pain). Just for the sake of full disclosure, the Snarker itself was not one of the fourty who filled out a survey.
So, overall, it looks like people don't hate the Nacle and each other, too much.
Apologies for the blurry images, we don't have much control over how blogger represents these things.
Q1 - OK, no real surprises here, it is good to see six people honest enough with themselves to admit they need counselling. We would have thought more people would be motivated out of boredom given the current prevailing state of apathy by working Americans.
Q2 - Good mix of people reading the Nacle, sorry about neglecting you students out there, trying to better yourselves. Now get back to your studies you slackers!
Q3 - Well, well, well, not as we would have predicted here. I was hoping at least one or two snarkers would have picked the bottom categories, but the vast majority are leaning towards the Nacle being more better than not. Those seven at the bottom there though...
Q4 - Only one for "Smelly"? Come on. I never knew we had smellvoyant people on the Nacle. We have to wonder sorts of smells emanate from the Nacle. Doo or roses? Other than that, nothing too surprising as being smart/educated and pretentious/narcistic correlate strongly, although it is plain smart and wise do not. I like that "sexy" thing. Shows someone out there has a vivid imagination.
Q5 - Eight bloggers are honest enough to admit to self love. Thanks to the four who are luvin little ol' me. And big luv to Steve Evans, Ned Flanders, and DKL. Those three DKL entries suggest he filled out the survey himself three times, once at work, once from home, and once from the local public library.
Q6 - OK, OK, just a little joke there. But, 23 did click "Yes" and 17 abstained, so as far as vox populi...
Q7 - OK, I am a little irritated I wasn't considered more irritating than some of these goofballs. I promise I will work a lot harder in the future to rankle sensibilities and be generally offensive, but only in a loving, caring, and sensitive way. And, apologies for not including more women into the mix.
Q8 - The majority clearly was in favor of not banning anyone, so that says a lot for the openness of the Nacle. The first Other comment clearly shows DKL responded to the survey. Thanks for reading, David, you rock my little world.
Q9 - OK, that one person up there at the top totally lied their head off, but its good to see fifteen people being totally honest.
Q10 - I have no idea who those eight people are at the top of the list, but they probably spend a lot of time attending Bloggernacle Snackers. Whoa. And we do hope that one person down at the bottom does get in touch with their inner child and come to grips with reality. Hey, its a rough world, we understand.
Thanks everyone for playin! I guess the Nacle is still a happy fun luvin place full of good feelings after all we have been thru in the past week or so. So that is a good thing, right?
Women are always claiming descrimination when they are excluded from all-male spaces, places, and activities. This is why men do not reciprocate. Even sensitive men and metros cringe and look away. Male readership of FMH will, no doubt, suffer and take weeks, even months, to recover. Come on Artemis, small ambiguous disclaimers at the top of the page only serve to draw more men in.
DKL says "I'm not dead yet!" as he is kicked to the Nacle curb. Struggling for relevancy and attention, DKL follows through with the answers promised to questions posed prior to the whole BoHsplosion.
Speaking of dead, Kaimi gets whacked for bringing up the whole BoH thing when everyone wants to dip into the waters of denial. He also offers up an Evans epitaph.
Eager to take over as BCC Big Cheez, Aaron Brown elbows his way out of the crowd and forwards the ever popular topic of Gay Mormons to race to the front of the leader pack. Over the next few days, Aaron will be introducing tried-and-true topics on Blacks & Priesthood, Women & Priesthood, Polygamy and Feminism, Historicity of Word of Wisdom, and a host of other predictable hot topics so as to establish his left-wing cred.
If the others jockeying for position over at BCC are smart, they will cast doubt on Brown's dubious orientation (no doubt Steve EM would lend a hand), and therefore motives and sincerity and objectivity, by pointing out his curious predilection for online transvestitism. But, hey, don't let me give you any ideas.
Stung by his own conscience over having fomented the BoH Takedown, Rusty now wants the dead-horse-beating angry crowd to lay off and remember we're all supposed to be a bunch of Christians. Come on Rusty! Thats not fair!
Look, all of you Nacle Bloggers, I am bored of snarking Nate Oman's weak attempts at humor. The rest of you Nacle Bloggers need to take up the slack and reduce quality and increase quantity, so my job will be easier. Look people, I cannot make a sow's ear from a silk purse here. So churn out more ad libbed nonsense on subjects you know nothing about, and interject more lame jokes and wierd tangents, OK?
Look, I can provide a valuable service. You inadvertantly post something stupid, and then people call you on it, and then you say "Hey, that was so obviously stupid, I did it on purpose, just to see what the Bloggernacle Snarker would do with it. DUH!" Recognize the utility of such a thing to do a little CYA. Work with me. Its in your own best interest.
Hey, here it is, just what you have been waiting for! A snarky survey on the Bloggernacle! Forget about polite questions, get out your steak knives and get ready to cut to the chase!
Click here to take survey Hit it!
Results in a couple of days, or so.
In an effort to make it easier for those with Nacle author obsessions to meet the objects of their fancy, Bryce Inouye has web mapped the bloggernacle. And people are actually voluntarily submitting their info. Sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen. Someone did sneak an entry for Aaron Cox onto it, let see if they leave it up.
Kaimi gleefully points out T&S is #1. Lets see what else it is number one for, shall we?
pretentious mormon blog
ostentatious mormon blog
obsequious mormon blog
big mormon blog
fat mormon blog
Yeah! We're number one!
