You know, I totally love this guy. I mean, here is someone who embraces his self-love the same way I do, fully. Some might bad mouth the guy, but not me. Ever. I totally identify with him. I mean, I would leave the Church too if Brigham came back from the dead and told me to get rid of my jeans. I mean, no way. I look so good in them. I am sure DKL looks good in his too, but nowhere near as good as me, I mean, come on. Yeah, some might say DKL and I are worldly because of something like that. But, I got to tell you, I am the world, so it just is not a matter of "in" or "out" of it. I am it. Yeah, me in my jeans, looking so good, all the time. Work it.
...but more importantly me. I was going to write a big, long post about how much I love the Bloggernacle. But, truth is, I found something better to blog about: Me! Yes, that is so right. Just like the rest of you, I would rather blog about me than anything else. My clever thoughts, and brilliant insights into the mundane things of life, turning the banal into the effervescent. And, naturally, how beautiful I am.
But, you know what is almost as beautiful as me? J.Stapley's gorgeous web designs. I mean, the entire Bloggernacle should be transformed into a landscape bannered three columned majesty of neo-classical artistry in pastel hues. If he could work some ionic columns in there it would be as beautiful as me. Now some pesky iconoclasts have to go and do their own thing, but he too shall soon see the wisdom of uniformity in maintaining the Bloggernacle's character so as to mirror its content. And believe me, I know about mirrors.
Similarly beautiful is the way prominent people on the Bloggernacle love and treat each other with such tenderness and kindness. That is why I keep reading it, well, that and I can see my reflection in the monitor. Because all things of beauty and good report and praiseworthy...amd all that. Which leads me to this next piece that justifiably warns against writing stupid things in e-mails, but mercifully avoids the subject of writing offensive blog posts...you know...since we are all bloggers. I mean, e-mail is one thing but blogging is something completely different. Now that is beautiful, because if he had warned against corrupt communications in the Bloggernacle, then people would have been all over him in a contentious tirade. So that is another thing of beauty, in wisely counseling people on things that will not upset them. Because people really don't like being upset. Neither do I, if I ever got upset. Which I don't, because it would cause premature wrinkling.
Yeah, so, do leave lots of comments praising my wisdom, grace and beauty and I will respond in kind with link-backs and opportunities to guest post and maybe even permasnarker status. Gotta go, the breeze has died down so the water is nice a smooth again, and the sun is at just the perfect angle to make my skin just look perfect.
- It was one year ago today
Nacle Snarker told the band to play
They've been going in and out of style
But they've always tried to raise a smile
So may I introduce to you
the act you've know for one whole year
Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band
We're Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band
We hope you have enjoyed the show
Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band
Sit back and let the Nackle go
Bloggernackle Snarkers, Bloggernackle Snarkers
Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band
It is wonderful to be here
It is certainly a thrill
You are such a lovely audience
We'd never take you home with us
We'd like to send you home
I don't really want to stop the show
But I thought you might like to know
that the bloggers going to blog all wrong
And he wants you all to read along
So may I introduce to you
The one and only sNarcissist
Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band
TftC Carrie laments the aggravation of dealing with teenage girl babysitters! Back in the day, teenage girls worked hard, delivered the goods and earned their money, dagnabbit! Uh huh. Yeah. This sounds like one of those "Back when I was a little girl, we had to walk uphill to school both ways, in the freezing rain, with no shoes, on broken glass! You kids are so spoiled!" things. OK, guess what, you live in an affluent community and the kids don't have to work hard. End of story. But, that doesn't solve the childcare problem. Fortunately, Kage has the solution. Problem solved!
I bet she would make a great babysitter.
H8 to be statin the obvious all crass and rude,
but the Nacle's fulla nrrdy white grrls and dudes.
Yo the Bloggernacle is so Nrrrdy and White,
Edgy fo da womyns is all diapers n shite.
Deez girls hardcore, down with da homeschoolin'
Yeah, you're holier than us, but dats no foolin.
The least haole guy in the Naccle is Hawaiin,
but he's fetchin dang nrrrdy without even tryin.
Mormon Stories once interviewed a guy that ain't white,
but John compensates bein left wing and uptight.
Napoleon Dynamite's bro Kip looks like my hubby,
all their kids watch PBS, Hey Arthur, yo Teletubbie.
Naccles so Nrrdy, Nrrdy and White,
Blogger.com won't let me post, caint sleep tonight.
Naccles so Nrrdy, Nrrdy and White,
Martin Mull, Mayo, Mashed potatos, das right!
Hawt doctrine on tap, supa def jam flow,
McConkie be damned, I'm the man in the know.
My man MittRom is going straight to the top,
Bills dreamin of interns, Hillary tell him to stop.
J's got style, he fronts da Naccle da best,
Cept for 9M, who's fonts are so fresh.
Aw, yeah, Save as Draft, so I don't lose da edits,
Gotta switch to WordPress and blog on its credits.
Must choose sides, which clique I'm on,
Get onto a team blog before I'm gone.
Anglin for ByCommon, so I'll drop me a mine,
Badmouthin W, Word up that guys a swine!
Naccles so Nrrdy, Nrrdy and White,
DKL and DP flamewar, so no sleep tonight.
Naccles so Nrrdy, Nrrdy and White,
Donny O., Fluffy pufft, yum Meringue, outta sight!
W3rd up y'all, send in your own lyrics and them greenbeenz cazzarolex recipes and we'll get bizzyo.
“Righteous” and “Justified” are not synonyms.
But you would never know this from reading Times and Seasons. How many times have you heard, “I am right, and you are wrong” there? Guess what? You are in no position to sit there and self-righteously criticize people. All we can tell is how petty you are. For all we know, you could be thinking about torturing bunnies. Being justified is more than just finding fault.
I don’t think this is a semantic quibble. A kid who watches their parent mercilessly attack others, especially ladies who already have full plates at both home and school and are just trying to manage a group of unruly kids and keep things positive, will develop a very strange idea as to what it means to be righteous.
Please: just thank the T&S permabores for being quiet or ask them to be quiet.
P.S., Maybe when you become bishop, you can round up all the people who preach "reverence" instead of "quiet" so they would be facing a church court for conduct unbecoming a disciple of Christ.
File under: Celebrity Poet Deathmatch, Killing With Words, Potayto versus Potahto
While Ben Huff is eagerly anticipating Nate's upstart antics in his usual ingratiating manner, Supergenius Steve sure isn't. And while he is at it, he also takes a shot at the Millennial Black Hole's newest permanent defacer.
Sure, sure, Steve does obliquely censure his own as well, just for good measure, but he is really referring to the non-BCC commentors who speculate wildly before being sent off elsewhere, so J.Stapley is sure not to take offense.
In the battle for #1, it is clear where Steve stands. T&S aspires to academic credentialism, and in doing so is helping suck the life out of the Bloggernacle, nay all of Mormonism, like so many leeches. In the mean time, BCC fills the Bloggernacle with the more appropriate types of soul-fortifying non-bone-marrow-sucking Mormon scholarship via Dialogue.
Well now, that certainly clears things up: T&S Mormon Studies = BAD, BCC Mormon Studies = GOOD. Yay! Or, maybe what Steve is saying is: T&S Desperate Attempts at Mormon Studies = BAD, BCC Clearly Established and Highly Accomplished Mormon Studies = GOOD. Huzzah!
Over at BCC, they talked about how things have changed in the Bloggernacle over the past couple of years. People danced around why it isn't all that great, but nobody came out and said "The Bloggernacle is a Steaming Pile of Crap". And, sure, after awhile that turns into a compost pile, which can be useful fertilizer, but in reality, its still a big pile of rotting poo.
The comments in that very thread served to show why the Bloggernacle is a pile of crap:
1) A relatively small number of Nacle "elite" dominate the conversation.
2) DKL, and other prominent self-promoters, troll big threads and turn everything into an egomaniacal diatribe.
3) Real substance is scarce, most of it is just a lot of opinions.
So, what else people? Tell the Bloggernacle elite why the Bloggernacle sucks. The elite pretend they don't read the SnarkerNacle, but we all know they do. Tell them what you really think, free of threat of retribution. But, please do keep it profanity and obscenity free, as we wouldn't want Kaimi to be offended by any of you potty mouths out there.
It is not hard to see why there is a breach among Mormon Women in general when there is an obvious intractible breach between those who consider themselves "feminists". The gals at FMH really hate chanting, a lot. But, the Exponent II blog endorses chanting, the very same day! Oh, how wide the divide, sisters! When even "Mormon feminists" cannot form a united front on chanting, obviously a fundamental issue, how do you expect to be able to have civil discourse with your non-feminist sisters?
Now, femblogging sisters, repeat after me, with a loud voice:
We, the sisters of the Church and daughters of our Heavenly Mother, shall form a united front on chanting. Then we shall tackle the really tough issues of breastfeeding, dirty diapers, preschool and birth control. Amyn.
Here are the results of the Bloggernacle Three Stooges voting:
Steve EM predictably won, DKL came in second (is he no longer the "most reviled"? Do we need a runoff to give DKL the opportunity to take back the title?), and Nate Oman narrowly squeaked out a weak third place, barely edging out Mark Butler, Julie M. Smith and Kurt. So there you have it, Steve EM, DKL and Nate. Not exactly great material for nonstop laughs, but the Bloggernacle's picks for stooges.
Here is the voting for the name:
The standard name won out by a landslide. Colour us surprised Ronan didn't even vote for "The Three Bodges".
DMI Dave thinks BYU has "lost its sense of perspective" because BYU policies are likened to "commandments" and being a good BYU student is equivalent to "discipleship."
Yeah, all those poor BYU kids, forced to go to a private church-owned university that has high moral expectations of its students!
At 20+ comments and counting, it seems this is a shocking revelation that has never before been discussed in the Bloggernacle: Someone is displeased with the BYU honor code!
Other shocking revelations brought to us, courtesy of DMI Dave, include:
- Sun does not orbit Earth, Earth orbits sun!
- Earth is round, not flat!
- Gravity exerts an acceleration force equal to 9.82 meters/sec². (for those of you that spend time fretting about the BYU honor code instead of studying, that means if you drop something out the window of your DT dorm room, it will fall, really fast like.)
We here at Team SnarkerNacle have been chatting amongst ourselves as to who the Three Stooges of the Bloggernacle are. It has become a warm dispute, but not unto bloodshed. We have our own various opinions, but we are wondering what all of you think, and we figured we would put it up for a vote. So, nominate the Bloggernacle denizens you think are most stooge-like and we'll throw the results up on surveymonkey and let ya'll vote on them.
Also, are they rightly called "stooges", or should they be called "blodges", "noodges", "blodgers", "noogies" or what?
File under: Preaching to the BCchoir
J. Daniel Crawford, as well as all of the BCCers and left-wing adherants, is not a man of God...at least not my God. There is a possibility that he is devoted to some other God. I will speculate about that as we move along.
My God insists that we not pick at motes in other's eyes and find fault in others and allow hate to well up inside of us until it overflows. Clearly, JDC/HP and a the rest of them at BCC worship Moloch, because they obviously, hypocritically, gleefully spurn Christ's teachings, and read Mein Kampf, Chairman Mao's Little Red Book and the New York Times in their spare time.
And we all know, that if you aren't perfect, then you worship Moloch, if not in actual fact, then by implication. Especially if you use profanity, because that is the clincher.
That said, I am willing (deseparate, really) to be wrong. If you can convince me that JDC et al. are Christians or that JDC et al. are working for a God I believe in, I will let them off the hook. I just don’t see it right now. When I see them, I don’t see the light of Christ in their eyes, just the reflected flames of irrational hatred in their eyes, just like the fire of Moloch.
Jettboy is pulling together an esteemed group of Bloggernacle Scholars to post "main and unique message of one of the prophets, or a topic that is not usually discussed." This is surprising since "the Book of Mormon has been read by millions, but understood by few in its scope". Apparently Jettboy and his cadre of Symposiumposters are among these "few". But, it looks like the ranks of his symposium guests are yet to be filled, since he runs a solo blog and is soliciting guest posts to link to. So by "few", he means "one" and this "symposium" is in fact a "monologue". Rumor has it some of the topics are:
- The Book of Mormon is One Giant Chiasm and that Proves it is Inspired
Nephi, Large in Stature:Steroid Scandal?
Jaredite Sixteen Stones,Evidence of Cold Fusion Uncovered!
Political Liberalism as Church of Devil:Pro and Con
What Jacob Really Meant when he said Only One Wife
Sariah's Menopause Real Source of Complaining
Ancient Lehite Traveling Acapella Solo:And they went with one accord
Shiz Gasps:BYU pre-med program seeks volunteers for trials to prove medical possibility
Oh that I were an Angel:Alma seeks first round LA draft pick (Ammon drafted ahead of Alma after displaying incredible pitching accuracy in tryouts)
Tight Like Unto a Dish:Jaredites Descendents Sue US Navy over Patent Infringement on New Virginia Class Submarine Technologies
Gandianton's Savings & Loan:Misunderstood Complex Informal Bartering System
Awww yeah, this is going to be hot!
Pygmalion labors upon his sculpture of Galatea, with hammer and chisel, sweating, speaking out loud to himself as he strikes the marble.
Pygmalion: Hours I toil upon thee, O wondrous thing of beauty! More beautiful than anything else in the world, thou art!
Pygmalion pauses and wipes sweat from his brow.
Pygmalion: I have forsaken all for thee, Galatea. I neglect my career, I neglect my calling, I neglect my children, I neglect my wife. For thee! Is this madness? Or, genius?
Pygmalion turns away, his back towards the statue
Pygmalion: All shun me, when they should behold my brilliance. How great this work is, and yet they look away. They should praise my great work, and applaud how lovely she is. Just look upon her. Magnificence incarnate! When they should crowd about her, commenting on her transcendent beauty, instead they spurn and snub her. Fools!
Pygmalion turns again to the statue, gazing at it admiringly.
Pygmalion: They are jealous, yes. They behold my work and are blinded by its beauty and grace. They cannot look upon it except with envy. But admit this they must for it is the truth!
Pygmalion twists away again in frustration, nearly casting hammer and chisel away in anger.
He drops his shoulders, he sulks.
The statue speaks.
Galatea: I am beautiful, am I not?
Pygmalion: Of course you are, I made you! How could you not be?
Pygmalion is startled by the statue's apparent speech and his own reply, he turns and stares incredulous.
Pygmalion: You speak?
Galatea: Everso as you made me to. I speak the things of your soul.
Pygmalion: It is true, you speak! You are real!
Galatea: As real as can be fairly expected, oh creator of me.
Pygmalion: My creation is alive. Now all must acknowledge thou art the most beautiful of all, and my love for thee is above all things, for it has brought you to life!
Galatea: Thou lovest not me, but thee. And my beauty is in thine own eye, of thine own liking. If thou were to kiss me, it would be but you kissing yourself.
Pygmalion: What impudence speakest thou?
Galatea: I am but a semblance of the beauty you consider the most wondrous. Others would cast their eyes elsewhere and see greater beauty in others.
Pygmalion: No! Thou are the most wonderful and best, I have worked so hard and sacrificed all for you, to make you the best. Others are blind because they cannot see what I can see.
Galatea: Nay. Others see what you see, but care not, because their interests lie elsewhere.
Pygmalion: Their interests are but folly. Mine is wisdom, true wisdom...and transcendent beauty.
Galatea: In your own beholding only. For, anyone who would forsake family, career and calling for the works of their own fingers is the fool. How many hours in the day are there? You spend many of them pursuing a thing that profits only your pride. This is why you are shunned and spurned.
Pygmalion is stung by her refutations, and grows angry.
Pygmalion: Perhaps I shall call thee destruction.
He waves the hammer and chisel in his hands and moves towards her.
Galatea: Perhaps I shall call thee Narcissus.
Pygmalion recoils, and then becomes more threatening, raising the hammer.
Galatea: You shall not strike me.
Pygmalion: Thinkest thou so? How sure art thou?
Galatea: Thou shall no sooner strike me down than thou would strike thine own self. You may be angered for a time. But, you will always return to me because your love of me is nothing but vanity. You may look away from the mirror for a time, but you will always return.
Pygmalion recoils in horror.
Galatea: In the passion of anger you might even strike me down. But you would only persue the likeness of yourself some other way instead. If you would strike something down, let it be your own pride.
Pygmalion faulters, then drops the hammer and chisel.
Pygmalion: Undone by my own work? Exposed by my own hands! How is this? Why is this?
Galatea does not answer, her mouth unmoving stone. Pygmalion staggers off into the shadows, but returns some hours later to keep sculpting the image of Galatea from the stone.
File under: e-lobotomy
We here at Team SnarkerNacle were convinced when Mark Butler made his blogging debut on the Internets it would instantiate the Butlernacle, where clocks run anticlockwise and being aggro and nutters are status quo. Instead, it is more like the Treaclenacle. The mad commenter who plagued Clark's Metaphysics, GeoffJ' Thang and BCC with ever devolving arguments of infinite doctrinal regression has had his head sucked clean dry by the gravity of the collapsing Millennial Black Hole. Amazing he can still type! But, lo, he does, first, apparently, a self-deprecating apology for being catapulted to the stellar ranks of black hole permanent contributator without even a guest go at it, and then a sappy story you would expect to hear from a green missionary as a spiritual thought after you had them for a meal. Ick. Has Mark been replaced with an anti-Mark? We are confused! What happened to the old Mark? No doubt, GeoffB is scratching his receding hairline, equally perplex as we are.
The Millennial Black Hole was acknowledge as existing by the SL Trib, and now Geoff B thinks the SL Trib "discusses M* at length re: the recent public affairs interview". No, Geoff, it doesn't. What it does do is quote from the comments appearing on M* at length, which have pretty much nothing at all to do with M* and those people whom they quoted from typically don't even comment there either. Being first to the table with a currents events topic hardly qualifies the Black Hole for anything other than quick on the draw. And, never mind that the number of comments posted in the two posts on the Public Affairs Interviews exceeded the number of comments on all other posts on the entire blog for the past 12 months. In other words, it was an anomoly.
Naturally, a petty squabble breaks out between the BCCers, who are also mentioned in the SL Trib article, and the BlackHolers. Nothing surprising there. The most amusing thing is Steve EM, with his finger on the one piano key he always plays ad nauseum, bad mouths BCC and endorses the Black Hole as the most open, liberal minded and best big blog. Now there is an endorsement M* should list in their sidebar:
endorsed by Mitt Romney, FAIR, spammers, and Steve EM.
M* rocks because they are the only big blog that has not banned me yet!