It's not quite Deceased Equine Material, but the 'nacle sure has been fixated on money recently, when its not discussing female priesthood, polygamy, Word of Wisdom nuance, and, lest we get too serious, the never ending Poop Chronicles.

For a Friday diversion, and just because I can, here's the 'Nacle Money Song. If you don't recognize the orginal song beneath my parody, your music library is sadly lacking.

******

[Cue Bass Guitar]
[Cue Cash Register]
[Cue Bill Counter]

Money, get away!
Get a good job with good pay and you’re greedy.

Money, it’s a gas!
Those that have cash must’ve cheated for their stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a blogger team.

Money, get back!
Don’t buy a house in my state, okay Jack?

Money, it’s a fling!
Don’t tell me ‘bout goody good tithing.
I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a Lear jet.

Money, it's a crime.
Share it fairly, let Ivan decide what to do with your pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
When you get to heaven you’ll find the rich got lost along the way.
*****
It might be just me, but it seems there are an awful lot of people in the 'nacle who know just how other people should spend their money.

I looked out the window, and what did I see?
Popcorn flopping on the blog literary!
Scott has brought me such an unpleasant surprise,
Un-Seinfeldian non-irony falling flat before my eyes.
The editors considered it to be a mean feat,
Stephen Ethesis and AnneGB, Scott's head did beat.
It was really dark, perhaps offensively,
Some things just don't lend themselves to absurdity.

In the eternal struggle between T&S and BCC (T&S trying to be the biggest and best and failing miserably at the latter, and BCC trying desperately to be bigger and better than T&S and failing miserably at the former), Ronan responded to Nate's post on how there is no outlet for pondering Mormon Culture and probably never will be...oh woe is him. WELL WOE NO MORE, NATE!

Yes, its true, now there is an outlet for Musings on the Social Constructs of Jello Salad and Funeral Potatoes, How Minivans Have Replaced Station Wagons, the Lack of Independent Theatre but Abundance of Rated "R" movies in the Red Central Midwest, Ruminations Regarding Living in Cache Valley, Sneaking Off to Las Vegas for the Weekend, Why Mormons Should't Listen to Prairie Home Companion, Temple-hopping & Church Historical Site Vacations, Why the Bishop's Firstborn Son Always Goes Bad, Trans-Ward Across-the-street Animus and a bunch of other stuff that there really isn't much demand for, hence the lack of a print journal. So, all you would-be Mormon Studies authors (i.e., T&S permabores and wannabes) out there, put a new ribbon in your Smith-Corona! With an august peer review board such as the one heading BCC Papers, there is little doubt there will be any petty infighting or bias in the review process, so the Nacle will soon be bathed in slighly longer and even more boring, only slightly better researched versions of old T&S blog posts. I know I cannot wait, it will be cheaper than Lunesta.

So in case you are missing the latest contention in the Nacle, its over who is in the Nacle and who is just a "Mormon Blogger", or a "Blogger about Mormons", or a "Mormon Blogging about Mormons", or a "Blogger who isn't Mormon but like talking about Mormons", or a "Blogger blogging about blogging Mormons", or...um...you get the idea. The debate is raging so fiercly that a bunch of DAMUs (Disinfected Anti-MormUn s) are weighing in, which is kind of odd since they pretty much hate the Bloggernacle and all it stands for.

Rather than you having to drudge through all the drek, let me break it down for you to the four opposing definitions of what the Bloggernacle is:

1) If you use Blogging software and are "true and faithful" or innofensive to the "true and faithful" you are the Bloggernacle.

2) If you are in any way, shape or form Mormon or used to be or distantly, tangentially related to one you are the Bloggernacle, even if you don't like Mormons and would kill one if you could get away with it.

3) If you hate DKL and revile him, you are part of the Bloggernacle clique.

4) If you generally like Mormons and blog nice things about them that they like to hear and make them feel warm fuzzies, you are the Bloggernacle.

Well, that is all a load of nonsense. These navel-gazing dorks! They don't have anything else to blog about, so they create controversy to distract people from what is totally, painfully, abundantly obvious to anyone who isn't totally blind and stupid! We know what the real determining factor is for whether you are in the Bloggernacle is! Its whether you have been mocked by the Bloggernacle Snarker! Ha! End of controversy.

You know, all these years I have believed Satan had goat legs and hooves and a tail with a pointy barb on the end have been a total waste. If I only knew the truth!



What? Lucifer looks like Jesus? A heart in the middle? This makes about as much sense as calling yourself a gnostic when you are not a gnostic. Apparently these people are "gnostics" because they are trying to discover the gnosis, or secret wisdom of God, or maybe they think they have it (hey, why not, if Mark Butler can, why can't they). Sorry, but that label was codified to a specific set of doctrines that are totally at odds with the Gospel (just ask John the Beloved). Apparently part of their LDS gnosis is discerning Lucifer and Jesus look alike and they hearted each other prior to Lucifer getting kicked to the curb after the Council in Heaven...and selling t-shirts to that effect.

For this week's roundup of totally unoriginal pig swill, Kaimi blathers about women and priesthood, and then men and the priesthood, single-handedly flogging the dead horse with a whip in both hands. We had thought for sure that Nate was on the Word Of Wisdom nag with this one when it popped up, but alas, it was about something else.

The people at Correct Principles (which the Moarch cannot spell right) have threatened to do a big set of essays on Gay Marriage, which they admit "has become so common among the LDS bloggernacle, it is wondered whether our little blog with actually have any sort of impact" but are going to do it anyway. The first post is so long its a wonder the guy kept awake long enough he could write it, and it would me a miracle if anyone actually read the whole thing. So, chances for contention, or even discussion, over this one are approaching nil.

AnneGB's pearls of wisdom are a breath of fresh air in the stale atmosphere of the Bloggernacle. And, you know "Be Prepared" is one of those things that we always need to be reminded of. So, when Anne sees the impending doom right before her eyes, she wants us all to be safe and well and makes some good suggestions :

Get some water on hand and...put in some extra toothbrushes and soap and aluminum foil and paper plates in case you have to take in refugees

OK, sounds good. But, here is where she loses me:

store some coffee and cigarettes. During the holocaust these things were as good as gold to trade. Also light bulbs were a shortage.

OK, Anne, you live in Utah, a rather Mormon part of Utah, where most people don't smoke or drink coffee. If there is a minority that does consume this stuff, then the demand will not be all that high, so you are going to end up trying to barter something none of your Mormon neighbors who have survived the holocaust will want. And, they will look at you sideways and wonder how you survived the Angel of Death when you were breaking the Word of Wisdom. And light bulbs? If society collapses, what are you going to screw those light bulbs into?