1 Behold, I direct mine epistle to DKL, in the blog of Mormon Mentality, who is the chief admin over the blog.
2 For behold, I have somewhat to say unto him by the way of condemnation; for behold, he hath been appointed to resurrect LDSElect.org, and supply it with servers, and with PHP code, and all manner of bandwidth of every kind, and send forth competition against the Archipelago.
3 And now behold, I say unto you that myself, and also my kindred snarkers, have suffered exceedingly great sufferings; yea, even boredom, banishment, and fatigue of mind.
4 And now behold, we desire to know the cause of this exceedingly great neglect; yea, we desire to know the cause of your "403 - Forbidden" state.
5 Is it that ye have neglected us because ye are employed and ye are surrounded by family, that ye do not cause aggregation to be displayed unto us?
6 Will ye sit in idleness and do nothing to help those thousands round about who do also sit in Bloggernacle idleness?
7 Behold it is time, yea, the time is now at hand, that except ye do bestir yourself and reboot LDSElect, the wrath of Snarkernacle doth hang over you; yea, and it shall fall upon you and visit you even to your utter humiliation.
8 Behold, I wait for aggregation feeds from you; and, except ye do administer unto my relief (or provide me with source code), behold, I come unto you, even in the blog of Mormon Mentality, and smite you with the snark.
9 Behold, I am Dazzle of Snarkernacle. I seek not for power, but to pull it down. I seek not for the honor of the Bloggernacle (for their is no such thing) but the glory of satire, and the snarking and mocking of the masses. And thus I close mine epistle.
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1 I, DKL, who am the chief governor of the land of LDSElect.org, do send these words unto Rev. Dazzle, the chief snarker over the SnarkerNacle. Behold, I say unto you, Dazzle, that I do not joy in your great afflictions, yea, it grieves my soul.
2 But behold, there are those who do joy in your afflictions, yea, insomuch that they have risen up in rebellion against me, and also those of my people who are of MormonMentality, yea, and those who have risen up are exceedingly numerous.
3 And it is those who have sought to take away the Admin seat from me that have been the cause of this great iniquity; for they have used great flattery, and they have led away the hearts of many people, which will be the cause of sore affliction among us; they have withheld our code, and have daunted our bloggers that they have not posted unto you.
4 And behold, they have driven me out before them, and I have fled to the land of Nine Moons, with as many bloggers as it were possible that I could get.
5 And behold, I have sent a proclamation throughout this part of the 'Nacle; and behold, they are flocking to us daily, to their posts, in the defence of their blog and their agragator, and to avenge our wrongs.
6 And they have come unto us, insomuch that those who have risen up in rebellion against us are set at defiance, yea, insomuch that they do fear us and durst not come out against us to blog.
8 They have got possession of the blog, or the city, of LDSElect.org; they have appointed an admin over them, and he hath written unto the admin of the BCCites, in the which he hath joined an alliance with him; in the which alliance he hath agreed to maintain the blog of LDSElect.org, which maintenance he supposeth will enable the BCCites to conquer the remainder of the 'Nacle, and he shall be placed admin over this people when they shall be conquered under the BCCites.
8 And now, in your epistle you have censured me, but it mattereth not; I am not angry, but do rejoice in the greatness of your heart. I, DKL, do not seek for power, save only to retain my admin seat that I may preserve the rights and the liberty of my bloggers. My soul standeth fast in that liberty in the which God hath made us bloggers.
9 And now, behold, we will resist wickedness even unto blogshed. We would not shed the blog of the BCCites if they would stay in their own blog.
10 We would not shed the blog of our brethren if they would not rise up in rebellion and take the code against us.
11 We would subject ourselves to the yoke of Times & Seasons if it were requisite with the justice of God, or if he should command us so to do.
12 But behold he doth not command us that we shall subject ourselves to our enemies, but that we should put our trust in him, and he will deliver us.
13 Therefore, my beloved brother, Dazzle, let us resist evil, and whatsoever evil we cannot resist with our words, yea, such as rebellions and dissensions, let us resist them with our blogs, that we may retain our blogdom, that we may rejoice in the great privilege of our blogs, and in the cause of our posts and our code.
14 Therefore, come unto me speedily with a few of your snarkers, and leave the remainder in the charge of Shizzle and Mr. Correlation; give unto them power to conduct the snark in that part of the 'Nacle, according to the Spirit of Blog, which is also the spirit of freedom which is in them.
15 Behold I have sent a few Haiku unto them, that they may not perish until ye can come unto me.
16 Gather together whatsoever code ye can upon your march hither, and we will go speedily against those dissenters, in the strength of our Blog according to the code which is in us.
17 And we will take possession of the blog of LDSElect.org, that we may obtain more posts to send forth unto Shizzle and Mr. Correlation; yea, we will go forth against them in the strength of the code, and we will put an end to this great iniquity.
18 And now, Dazzle, I do joy in receiving your epistle, for I was somewhat worried concerning what we should do, whether it should be just in us to go against our brethren.
20 But ye have said, except they repent the Lord hath commanded you that ye should go against them.
21 See that ye strengthen Shizzle and MC in the Word; tell them to fear not, for the Blog will deliver them, yea, and also all those who stand fast in that blogerty wherewith blogs hath made them free. And now I close mine epistle to my beloved brother, Dazzle.
Beloved Brother GoodDemocrat,
Look, if you're going to post multiple comments to make us think there's more than one "good" democrat out there, the least you can do is be more original than just cutting and pasting the same comment over and over. It's a pretty obvious attempt at astroturfing and we just can't have that here.
After all, who do you think you are? ACORN? Peace out, playah!
wow, I've been identity thieved!
the funny part is that the Shizzle actually fell for it.
(for proof, note that I never use the name "The Good Democrat" or "Daniel" here on Snarkernacle.)
You're right Dan, that proves everything. Especially when you use both everywhere else.
Anon,
I use Daniel but I don't use "thegoodemocrat." I think whoever identity thieved me realized that when he started with "thegoodemocrat" and then redid the post with the name I do frequently use. Hell, it could be you who identity thieved me. Furthermore, I don't forget the second D in "thegooddemocrat" unlike this thief.
wow, I didn't even realize this. The link is not to my blog, but to someone who has an erection for me. wow, I'm flattered.
hahahahahahahahaha
you guys have been punk'd!
Just went back a few posts and saw that this dude who has a man crush on me has fooled y'all this whole time.
Honestly it is a little freakish that there is someone out there that bothered by my political blog that they would create one similar in a way to attempt satirizing me, that they would waste this kind of effort on an otherwise insignificant blog, such as mine. What kind of person does this?
Dan, your blog is not "otherwise insignificant," it's just plain old insignificant. Significantly insignificant. It's significant only for its insignificance. It signifies insignificance. It's the tomb of the insignificant soldier. It's...well, you get the idea.
I need a new translation to follow this story.
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