Most Bloggernacle bloggers consider the DAMU (see definition 5) to be the bane of their existence (except for FMH, since half their readership is DAMU), since those pesky ex-mo's love to troll. Well, now a prominent Bloggernacle Blogger (at least he considers himself to be prominent) is playing both sides of the court, but he is doing so anonymously. Sure, he isn't self-identifying, but it isn't hard to come up with a short list, very short actually, if you take the time to hunt for clues.




Here is what can be gathered from his posted comments:

Male
Married with children
Exceptionally profane
Long time Bloggernacle blogger, drops all the Big Blog names, refers to Nate Oman by first name only
Probably a lawyer (how many non-lawyers use the word "dispositive"?)
Privy to internal workings of a Nacle group blog that gets targeted by DAMU
Very sensitive to currently popular feminist issues

Why is this Bloggernacle Blogger hiding? He answers that question himself here:

On the other hand, it's also clear that more orthodox Mormons would not consider me one of them; and that, if they knew my particular belief configuration, they might try to expel me from the community, in one of their community-policing actions. Which would limit my ability to participate in the cafeteria. You can't order a la carte when you go to the Soup Nazi's restaurant.

Sure, sure, blame your anonymity on the Nazi Orthodoxy.

We think we know who it is, what do you all think? What additional evidence can we gather about "Cafeteria Mormon"? We think he just isn't getting enough attention inside the Bloggernacle anymore, so he is trying to cash in on his cred there to get attention from the DAMU/Ex-mo crowd. Why do you think he is doing this?

FYI: When "Cafeteria Mormon" first signed up with FLAK, his user name was "Blogger of Nacle" and his profile picture was a LOLCats pic that said "Banning yo DAMU ass from the Nacle!" or something like that. He changed the pic and user name because some of the FLAK crowd was taking him to task for his seemingly pro-Naccle stance. But, there are a lot of comments still around referring to him as "BoN" or "BoNer" because of his old "Blogger of Naccle" user name.

Nacle: < silence >
Kaimi: It might be Christmas Eve, but I am going to blog anyway. Because I am dedicated. And worth reading. And not bored.
Nacle: < silence >
Kaimi: I'll say something poignant, and heartfelt about... um... silence... and... Jesus... and tie in my clever kids as the hook. People always eat that up.
Nacle: < silence >
Kaimi, pensively waiting for comments: Hmmm, better trying something else.

The Bloggernacle is all excited about how Elder Ballard suggested BYU-H graduating seniors go online and blog about being Mormon so they can add their faithful voices to the Internet. The only specific blog he mentions is Flooding the Earth.

OK people, let reality sink in here for a minute. Elder Ballard found a relatively obscure blog, and yet he somehow missed all the big ones? No, he didn't. If he spent 3 seconds on the Internet searching "mormon blog" what did he overlook? All of you "Big Blogs". The only way he could have skipped all of you accidentally is if he did "book of mormon blog" and clicked "I'm Feeling Lucky" and then stopped right there. Unlikely, isn't it?

What you people are heralding as an endorsement is in fact a backhanded slap. Elder Ballard is telling a bunch of kids graduating from BYU-H to go out and blog on their own. He is not, repeat, NOT encouraging them to go and participate in the Bloggernacle. He is encouraging them to go out and blog independent of the Bloggernacle.

Congratulations, Bloggernacle, Elder Ballard doesn't see fit to endorse you as a model graduating seniors from BYU-H should emulate or a community they should participate in. Endorsing blogging is not endorsing the Bloggernacle.

Dear TracyM:

We would like to thank you for returning to our Stuff department. We are ever so grateful you were wise enough to leave your Red Headed Terrorists at home this time. As you probably noticed, we have enough trouble keeping our aisles passable without them climbing to the top of the shelves and tossing down pallets of dishwashing soap as they scream with glee unintelligible phrases having something to do with bubbles.

We understand your frustration in being unable to find whatever elusive toy you came to our Stuff Mart in search of. We’d apologize for your having been misled by one of our employees, but honestly, Tracy, what do you expect from some guy named Jinger at five o’clock in the bloody morning?

As for your foray into our “girls” section, we simply cannot be held responsible for your reaction to the skanky clothing produced by our third-world sweatshops. Our goal here is shareholder value, not skin coverage. Besides, you obviously missed the carefully placed sign above the “girls” department. We feel the warning “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here” is pretty self explanatory. Abby didn’t need those tights anyway - Ruffles are so last year. As a side note, glitter is the new black – haven’t you heard?

Again, thank you for visiting your neighborhood Voldemart Stuff department – sans the Red Headed Terrorists. Our maintenance department sends along their heartfelt thanks as well. And, despite your protestations to the contrary, we know you’ll be back.

Till then, we remain the humble recipients of your family’s hard earned lucre,

Voldemart

Wecome to the T&S Christmas Party!

Why thank you! You got any food? We’re starved!

But of course. In the gastronomically correct holiday tradition, I have prepared a healthy feast for you and your fellow carolers.

…

Don’t you have anything, well, tastier?

I will not be a party to the hardening of your arteries! What’s next? You want me to pick up a carton of Marlboros for you?

Well, now that you mention it...

Hush, Brother Davis!!

No sweets for you…any of you! Come back...Next year!!

9M, BCC, T&S and MoSto have already started speculating on something the rest of you will inevitably be blogging about, so hurry up and stake out some original territory before it becomes one huge recycling bin of adulation and attack. Seriously, if you haven't already posted on it, then consider yourself a fool for squandering a full day of comment harvesting on something other than what is going to dominate the entire Bloggernacle weekend.

BORING-AS-HECK BANDWAGON-JUMPING-ONNER UPDATE:
T&S Matt Evans
T&S Collective Conglomerrulate
9M Tom
9M Lamonte
DMI Dave
MM arJ
MoSto John
AllE Doug
ASA David
And probably a bunch more before the sun sets.

Ugh, more:
ABEV John F
AllE Travis, and again.
MoBlo Mark
NL L
ASA David
ASA David
M0 Geoff
SSS JMW

And dragging it on into Friday:
T&S Dave
T&S Matt
MoSto John
MoSto John again

Dragging into the following week was almost everything John Dehlin posted at MoSto.

That this wheat be made into something more easily digested, I have taken some time out from my busy schedule to offer a translation to the Mormons, whom to be made to understand has been like splitting hemlock knots with a corn-dodger for a wedge, and a pumpkin for a beetle, although in a case like this it is entirely excusable. Here is my translation for the Bloggernacle, that I might render it a bit more plain:

Terryl Givens has written a new book, and it is unique.

He is an able and authoritative commentator on Mormon arts and letters.

He offers penetrating insights on a topic which lends itself to boring prose, but keeps his writing engaging.

Givens explores the interplay of Mormon religion and culture.

While some would dismiss cultural theories in examining art, Givens argues persuasively that they should be taken into account.

Givens also wonders how the art and culture has influenced the religion.

Ms. R. considers Givens' book to be seminal in the discussion of Mormon culture and art.

Sister Welch, I thank you for taking the time to write such an excellent and comprehensive review of Brother Givens' new book. Upon the next endeavor, please do me the favor of writing in such a manner that it be comprehensible and not imponderable to the Saints, that they might benefit thereby forthwith and without additional explication. Remember what Nephi son of Lehi said about plainness. As I have many pressing matters to attend to, I would consider it a personal favor to relieve me of the obligation of translating abstruce texts in like manner in the future.

Sincerest salutations, yours very kindly,

Brother Joseph.

Hey, guess what? Feminists like other feminists and find them sexy, and love to read statistics that prove what they always knew. In other news, registered Democrats don't vote for Republicans, dogs aren't cats and tautologies cannot be made false by mere mortals.

Here are some more useful statistics for you:

100% of Mormon Bloggers love bloggers who are Mormon who agree with everything they say and post salutary, sycophantic comments.

0% of Mormon Bloggers like being snarked by SnarkerNacle Industries LTD., more reviled than DKL, more often banned than outspoken conservatives at BCC and critical commentators at T&S, less side-blog linked than NDBF Gary.

You can quote me as a source.

More amusing is Quimby's defense of the Clintons after mami points out the irony here. Sorry, Quimby, but Bill's feminism is weak, at best. Defend lying adulterers (D-NY) while attacking LDS Church leaders (R-Utah). More circular logic, eh? Defend those in your political circle. Heads up guys, as long as you talk the talk, you can cheat on your wife and lie about it. With a stunning example like this, no wonder guys want to be feminists.

If the Bloggernacle had Laws governing it, one of them would surely be Thou Shalt Discuss Excrement Often, and Not Withold the Contents of Thy Bowels, or Loins, or Anything Like Unto It from Your Readers, for they are Beholden to it, No Matter How Odiferous, Rancid, or Putrescent it May Be Unto Thee, for Thine Uncleanness Shall Be Multiplied Upon Thine Readers and Therefore Not Upon Thee.

Seriously people, what is it about the Bloggernacle that has dookie being the "go to" topic? FMH does it regularly, TftC has been emulating them, BCC has dipped their toe in the honey pot, and now NCT has gone down with the brown. Matt W half-heartedly tries to turn it into an intellectual discussion on why people could be so inconsiderate in making messes with it and whether that is some indicator of socio-economic status, or some other such rot. But, the bulk of the discussion is about plain old crap.

Yes, everyone does it. Everyone burps, farts, picks their nose, scratches themselves, and engages in various other gender and non-gender-specific bodily functions too. Nobody talks about them on the Bloggernacle. Just poop. Which really is discriminatory to all the other personal hygiene-related topics. I mean, come on, someone really could work farting and burping, but nobody does. Which suggests the Bloggernacle is either bigoted against all others forms of hygiene-related exposition, or they are obsessive about it. Not sure which.

Aside from Dialogue not being populated with Jedi writers, this thread on greed has some interesting revelations. A couple of people pop in to point out they are wise and just stewards, while many more embittered people rant about their inability to buy in an up market. The only rant-maker honest enough to expose the source of his anger is DKL. Great! So as soon as the market starts cooling off, a market that spiraled wildly up because of greed, there are more greedy people like DKL waiting in the wings to soften the fall by scooping up houses when the market goes soft. So, in other words, DKL, the market will not burn as you wish it would, because of...people like you.

And, while Sam MB laments the moral and spiritual health Mormons, the home-buying Mormons of the Bloggernacle lament their inability to buy in an up market and bitterly fantasize about "the house to which we could upgrade in a more reasonable market", rather than discuss what Mormons can do to address the underlying problem of greed which created and fuels the problem. Why repent when you can wait for market forces to change in your favor?

Ms. Ardis takes Will Bagley, et al. to task for being axe-griding anti-Mormons, and rightly so. But, the manner in which she does so is decidedly snarky, and fellow T&S permabore Nate joins right in. Will Bagley shows up and complains about the treatment, but Ardis defends her snarkiness as a legitimate approach that is not a charter-violating personal attack (apparently, insinuating they are asses is not a personal attack, perhaps saying "Will Bagley is an ass" is, but indirectly suggesting he is isn't...not at T&S anyway).

Ah, me, this is all very comforting. You see, the permabores at T&S often complain they are targets of SnarkerNacle. It is good to see they have come around to accepting things as we see it, and will from now on be more open to such fun. As long as we only insinuate they are asses and don't actually say they are, then it will all be in accordance with their way of doing business, right? Good, glad we have that settled.

Here is this Halloween's List of blogs to read while listening to Beethoven's 5th Symphony:

Anemic Looking a little peaked.

Millennial Star
Straight and Narrow Blog
Mormon Metaphysics


Moribund The walking dead.

Blogger of Jared
Prayer of Faith
Spinozist Mormon
Cold and Calculating
No Death Before the Fall


Rigor Mortis Deeply interred.

LDS Patriot
Rock of Salvation
The Iron Rod
Mormon Open Forum
Popcorn Popping
Purim
Bob and Logan
Ironic Priesthood
LDS Liberation Front
Viva Ned Flanders
The Rocky Shore
Latter Day Blog


Actually, most of these going defunct makes us Happy! Did we miss any?


This Halloween is pretty uneventful. In 2005, Halloween was just about when Banner of Heaven imploded and the fallout was absolutely awful. And in 2006, Halloween was pretty much when Mark Butler pulled the wool over Millennial Star's eyes and lead them to near-extinction. This year? Really, its been pretty quiet. No tricks, just the lovely little treats of the above blogs going under.

Happy Pagan Orange and Black Celebration of Death and Decay! May your holiday be as filled with compost, offal and gangrene as the Bloggernacle is.

Rabid Dan just can't lay off the smack. Three days into his week-long fasting from politics on his own blog he is just doing it on a different blog. Dan, Dan, Dan, if there is "nothing enjoyable about it" then why can't you stop? Because you have a problem. The solution is obvious: The 12 Step Approach to Politics. Give it a shot, Dan. For yourself, for your family, for the Bloggernacle. Please.

BCC revels in the sort of squalor that usually afflicts FMH, providing first-person accounts of why the Bar was Raised when it comes to full-time missionaries.

I don't know which is worse, that Aaron, a celebrated BCC perma takes pleasure in presenting the worst as his best, or the way dedicated BCC fans love this kind of cynicism and praise his nihilism. What I do know is this kind of post speaks volumes about BCC in specific and the makeup of the Bloggernacle in general.

Hey everyone, I know you don't see much of me around the Bloggernacle, since none of you bother to listen to me (except for Bloggers of Jared, M&M, Jettboy, Connor Boyack, and M* Mark Butler), but a recent post needs to be addressed so you Liahona types don't wander totally off the straight and narrow path and drown in the filthy water.

Jacob at NCT is kinda sort of right but mostly wrong. While I am under strict non-disclosure agreements and cannot discuss what he does in his spare time, I can fairly state the obvious to bring it to people's attention that his Scriptures have been collecting dust for far too long. If they saw more use, he might have read this and this, which would have made it pretty clear I am not just effervescent vapor that people subjectively feel at their convenience.

No, I am a personage of spirit that has legs (no, there are no wings, sorry literalists, but this fine and pure matter I am made of means what you call "gravity" has no effect on me) and uses them whenever I see the need. And, as far as leaving the movie theater when the naughty bits parts come on, no, that is not how it works. I am clever and informed enough to not go in the first place, so I don't leave, because I was never there in the first place. Dropping the F-Bomb? Feel free to exercise your agency, and I will too by leaving you to play the fool. So, yes, people and things do offend me all the time, and I leave. I have agency just like you. So, there you have it.

Yes, yes, I will certainly work with all repentant sinners, like you bloggers, but there is that repentant thing there. Yes, sure, I do try to encourage even the unrepentant to repent, but, frankly, I have a busy schedule and can spend my time much more profitably working with people who are genuinely repentant, even when they do fall off the wagon now and again. As long as they keep getting back on.

Anyway, just to set things straight, I am a personage of spirit, if you irritate me I will get up and go, or preemptively leave in the event I see things going bad. But, no, that doesn't mean I will not come back and see what you are up to from time to time. And, no, I am not like the sun radiating truth into the universe, that analogy is lousy. The "truth is light" thing is metaphor, don't push it to hard, it was given to people who had no idea what the physics of light really is all about.

Thanks, and please, next time I suggest you do something, listen. Otherwise, you are on your own.

P.S., Oh, yes, and Jacob, the Lord doesn't lie, under any circumstances. Mahonri got it right. You? Not so much.

Rusty, the most metrosexual Mormon in the Bloggernacle has been having a tough time getting people to read his blog, mostly because the permas there aren't posting. So, in an effort to be even more in-your-face cutting edge, he blows Staper's white man's guilt out of the water by signing up the very first ever totally-out-of-the-closet Mormon Gay Man as a perma. Hey, wow, now there is some traffic generating controversy.

Come on, Rusty Flintstone, trying to be cutting edge is so last century. I mean, really, you already wear more eyeliner than Brandon Flowers, everyone knows Kaimi is just too scared to come out of the closet, and BCC and FMH regularly hug gays. The only thing 9M has is that Silus is out, but how "out" since Silus Grok is a pseudonym. Hellmut or Ann could easily one-up 9M by signing Nick Literski or MikeInWeHo. Then what?

Sorry, Fred, the Great Gazoo says you are digging in the wrong quarry. Bloggernacle Hipness is not accomplished by flouting the Big Blogs and collecting permas like trading cards. Content is king, nifty logos are Ikea. Keep trying.

Cold October night
All the leaves fallen down
And the snow on the ground freezing the feet
Lisa’s bus on the road
To the outside of town
And the sound of the whining wanna-be protest drum beat.

They stand with their home-made signs
In the cold, cold breeze
And that whining group
Telling nobody

It’s FMH Lisa!
FMH Lisa’s Traveling Protestation Show!
She’s packed up her babies,
She’s grabbed the old ladies
But nobody goes
Everyone knows
Sister FMH Lisa’s show.

[Sermon]
Reach out with your left hand, and stretch forth your “Impeach Bush Now” sign
…’cause that’s what its there for
Now take your right hand, and lock arms with the unkempt, unshaven, and unbathed hippie next to you…
…’cause that’s what he’s there for

Take my hand in yours
Whine with me this day
In my heart I know
I’ll make the Salt Lake Tribune’s front page!

It’s FMH Lisa!
FMH Lisa’s Traveling Protestation Show!
She’s packed up her babies,
She’s grabbed the old ladies
But nobody goes
Everyone knows
Sister FMH Lisa’s show.

You know, every time I read BCC I feel the Spirit leave me. Now I understand why! It's because they don't follow their own rules of Christian conduct. Sure, sure, they are honest enough to admit they are jerks, but the way they allow left wing nutjobs to freely run amok while editing, banning and deleting the right wing nutjobs goes beyond the pale. Regardless of which type of nut job you are, everyone recognizes what gross bias looks like, and BCC excesses have been extreme for the past couple of weeks. If you people don't start leveling the playing field and make at least some effort to be fair, all you have accomplished to overtake T&S as #1 will be squandered by your petty personal politics as you degenerate into a haven for left wing trolls. And you wonder why conservative Bloggernacle bloggers look down their noses at you? When you act like this you are only confirming their suspicions.

The General Relief Society President dared to have the nerve to do her job and show herself in public and speak to women of the Church. Predictably, she was roundly criticized on almost every blog in the Bloggernacle for it. Why? Because of a "total lack of deep gospel mojo", because she made obsessive mothers feel guilty, and she failed to criticize the men of the Priesthood. You know, it just doesn't matter what President Beck said, she would have been attacked for it regardless. Never mind that it is outside her authority to speak to men of the Church, that some women will feel guilty no matter what, and the Bloggernacle in general (and FMH in specific) lacks deep gospel mojo. None of that is relevant when it comes to emotional tirades.

Judging from the number and variety of threats of letter writing, Church Headquarters in SLC will likely be deluged by hate mail that will have to be security screened, so if you are ordering anything from Church Distribution you should probably do it over the web site or phone if you want timely delivery.

The sad thing is the entire round of complaints, whining and accusations was so predictable, it could have been scripted months ago. Sister X speaks at GC, angry Bloggernacle womyn react negatively because she fails to uphold their view of how the Church should be run and attack her for it, the more faithful and sensible female bloggers shake their heads in dismay and embarrassment, men divide up along the lines of which camp they are in, it gets snarked, after a couple of days everyone forgets about it and nothing changes. Repeat in six months. Next March, how about we do it all the weekend before the real General Conference, so when the real one comes up people will actually listen to it and think about it rather than dump their incendiary mind vomit onto their laptops real-time instead. Maybe, just maybe, something someone says will sink in an actually result in someone taking it to heart.

As an aside, one noteworthy point is the womyn of the Bloggernacle not only covet the Priesthood, they also covet the Presidency of the Relief Society as well. See guys, they don't just hate you, they hate themselves too. Comforting that the womyn of the Bloggernacle are equal opportunity usurpers, isn't it?

Talk about swallowing the camel whole, the FPR crew is at it again. Jesus Hates Families and Mormons Don't, so the Community Suffers. It has to be a game for them to come up with crazy ideas and then go proof text it, ignore anything that contradicts their selective reading and see how far they run with it before someone calls them on it, right? I mean, they are all into reading the Scriptures in the correct historical context, and Judaism, both ancient and modern is pretty pro-family, right? Hey, I guess you read things in context only when it is convenient. Or is it just that most of them are single and embittered? DavidJ is the only one that sounds off about being married with kids and he is obviously bitter about it. Hey, DavidJ, sorry the whole procreation thing interfered with your academic career and pursuit of material comfort, but, there is this as consolation.

In the ongoing battle to be more politically correct and racially sensitive, BCC has dealt T&S a crushing blow. Team BCC, as lead by Ronan J. Head and supported J. Nelson Seawright spearheaded the assault on lingering Mormon racism. Steve Evans had to gratuitously attack and ban anyone who failed to toe the BCC line to play catch up. And catch up he did, with extraordinary grace and style. Nothing like abusing your position of power to silence those who disagree, huh guys? Never mind that the arguments they use are just as culturally normative as the ones they attack, the only difference being about 50 or 60 years of popular trendiness. Never mind what the Scriptures actually say, that is irrelevant in the light of polished words and socially normative hipness.

Congratulations, guys, you are every bit as irrational and bigoted as the "racists" you hate.

If we follow Nephi's advice and liken the Scriptures to ourselves (meaning the Bloggernacle) then this thread is surely heralding the Apocalypse. When you have abish and Jared joining their inspired hands in unison to preach against the worldly corruption that is BCC, well then the end is nigh. That, or this is one of the ugliest examples of petty orthodox versus heterodox the Bloggernacle has seen in awhile. I am not sure which is worse, the BCC crew's snide belittling or abish's unparalleled self-righteousness. It probably comes down to which side of the debate you are on as to which you think is worse. What is that saying about not being able to win a pissing match with a skunk? What happens when there is nothing but skunks fighting?

Team T&S and Team MSplat are going to commit ritual suicide this coming weekend, since they fail to uphold the Word of Wisdom and thus will not be able to run and not be weary.

The persistent accusations that the bulk of the Bloggernacle is composed of unorthodox heteropraxicals will be put to the test after this weekend, as all of the participants who actually run will be dead or disabled, thus reducing the Liahona population significantly and tipping the balance back in favor of the true Iron Rodders. However, there is some question as to how honest the participants will be about participating in this "virtual" marathon.

Here is the Marathon the BCC crew will be laboring over:



And this is the Marathon we suspect Kaimi will be running this weekend:

People who regularly participate in the Bloggernacle naturally want the Bloggernacle to be perceived as a good and beneficial thing, if they didn't they obviously wouldn't participate. In some ways, the Bloggernacle can be a good thing. But, the Bloggernacle is seriously hampered by narcissism and self-absorption.

Yesterday saw a brilliant trifecta of posts exhibiting precisely why the Bloggernacle cannot at present rise above what it is:a petty playground dominated by the egotistical. First, unmitigated vanity, second, vanity mingled with the philosophies of men, and third, Scriptures mingled with the philosophies of men driven by vanity.

First, you have Julie wanting to tell everyone she is pregnant, but she is apparently not wanting to be as tactlessly blatant as Adam, so she writes up a self-flagellating laundry list illustrating how hard/hectic/crazy/rewarding/wonderful her stay-at-home-Mom life is, and despite it all, she is having another baby, as evidenced by the last two words of the post, discreetly tucked in there with capital letters. What you did was concoct some artificial reason to write a post insinuating you are pregnant so people would figure it out and then congratulate and praise you for being such a dedicated, hard-working Homeschooling Mom who would do all that (she teaches her kids Greek!!! Why? Because she can!) and decide to go ahead and have another child on top of it all. Kaimi then posts a link into the sidebar to the comment outing you, and your wish is fulfilled.

Second, you have Kaimi being so clever with self-deprecating riffs showing everyone he engages in philosophically challenging private conversations with other Bloggernacle Big Shots like BCC's meister-blogger (no behind-the-scenes cliques here). He then posts lengthy comments into the thread explaining what the rather opaque conversation was all about, while self-deferentially soaking up praise from fawning comment-makers.

Third, and finally, you have John dragging out the debate about the relative utility of attempting to prepare members of the LDS Church for withering, faith-destroying attacks by anti-mormons. This time the discussion starts with a semantical debate over the term "inoculation" as questioned by...his brother. Naturally, the ensuing discussion pits DAMU's against the "faithful" over the Truth, an ultimately pointless endeavor. The entire Inoculation debate is entirely wrong-headed, not because of semantical labels, but because it flatly ignores the gospel point of view and appeals to the worldly way of doing things. There's the rub, the bulk of the Bloggernacle elite want to debate to show how smart and educated they are, how many esoteric bits of historical trivia they have collected, and how they have more books in their collection than anyone else. But, from the gospel point of view, all of that is meaningless and largely counterproductive. The knowledge of God and strength in testimony comes not from collecting a set of Mormon History Trivia trading cards, but from experience. To know God, you have to experience Him by following the example of Jesus Christ by doing his works. Not just reading about them and studying them, but doing them. People will know the the LDS Church is true by living and doing what the Scriptures teach, not by learning more selective bits of history and trivia. While the Inoculation crowd's self-absorption isn't so blatant as the preceding two examples, it is egotism at it's core as it puts a premium on individual intellectual ascent rather than gospel-centered experiential learning. Responding to tough questions when asked is one thing, publicly preening is another.

If prominent people in the Bloggernacle can get over their fascination with themselves and how clever they are, the Bloggernacle might eventually blossom into something more than it is. If they cannot, then it will continue on being a relatively small, eminently forgettable collection of vain prose lost in the messy clutter of the Internet.

It is your choice people, get over yourselves or continue to suffocate in the lint of your own navel.

Guy Murray wants to see prominent Bloggernacle personalities pose for charity. Since Guy is such the prominent personality himself, and a natural born leader who isn't afraid to break new ground, it only seems appropriate for him to lead the pack. And, so, we present to you: Guy Murray Exposed!

Hot, or not?

When not getting pedicures and doing guest commercial spots, Miss Piggy reads T&S. Who knew? We do now, because she actually left a comment this time. Another feather in the hat of T&S, garnering the celebrity Muppet vote of readership. In case you are wondering what Moi was referring to, DMI...err...T&S Dave sums it up, effectively hamstringing Nate's legalese. It looks like the discussion has stalled, probably because of nausea, meaning ronito's snarky prediction will go unfulfilled. Is it sadder that T&S's behavior has become so predicable or that discussion is so lackluster?

A recent post on FPR offers useful insight into the past, present, and possible future of FPR. The past month (8/2007-9/2007) is a hodgepodge of topics, themes, and approaches. They address ancient and modern scripture trivia, tangents in Mormon history, occasionally debate with evangelical commentators, pay tribute to an ageing Mormon historian, book reviews, a review of Terryl Givens, and a couple of off-topic posts. This month's content on FPR is, indeed, a many-sided thing.

Glancing across the landscape of Mormon blogs, it is easy to see where many of these contributions might have been posted. In fact, almost all of them would have readily found a place within T&S or BCC or MM or the Mormon Wasp. There are three categories of writing that wouldn’t migrate as easily to other venues, and it is these that make FPR different: (1) the permablogger's (and guest's) rambling, idiosyncratic, indulgent reflections on whatever topical matters he (and we do mean "he" since Mogget isn't posting anymore, much to FPR's detriment) feels like writing about; (2) collections of Scripture trivia (which are largely just distillations of odd stuff they learn in class); and (3) tete-a-tetes with average, unschooled Mormons regarding scriptural interpretation.

Let’s consider for a moment each of these three categories, taken in reverse order, and think through what they might suggest about the future of FPR in its institutional, scholarly, and blogging roles.

In the area of blogging, FPR seems to be rapidly losing ground to Waters of Mormon, in terms of coverage, impact, and limelight. The Bloggernacle has been all atwitter over the new WofM blog. WofM has a pretty blogsite, hosts big conversations, and has attracted big names.

On the second category: Scripture debates have long been a specialty of FPR posts, but here too the field is changing. Note that FPR has been doing little but trivia and speculation revolving around sexual themes. Gone are the substantive posts where Scriptural texts are treated exegetically. In this area too, then, the relevance of FPR seems to be dwindling.

The first category, finally, is FPR's turn towards it being a personal Rameumpton for proclaiming the Truth as they see it, spitting on their critics, and sorting out the Good, the Bad, and the Pathetic. The ignorant TBMs are at the gates and the FPR troops are now shouldering the burden to beat them into the ground. Perhaps FPR is tired of giving in to their long-time critics, so they have silently acknowledged that the caustic tone and steady barrage of personal insults will wear out their readers and, who knows, perhaps lead them to victory. Many are by now familiar with their reactions to criticism. Let’s call it The FPR Three-Step. First, seek to overwhelm your critics with your unparalleled education and extraordinary grasp of rhetoric. Second, deny that you are appealing to credentialism or using sophistry. Third, wait for some old friend to come out of the woodwork in support of FPR. (To which we might add a fourth step: Carry on, carry on.)

Many of FPR's online posts have taken a more caustic tone lately. They seems fully aware that FPR is losing some ground, some relevance—partly, I should emphasize, as a result of its own former success. The organization of the Bloggernacle as a broad umbrella of Mormon bloggers has decentralized power structures and is fickle in whom they follow. Put differently, it may slowly fade away, diffused into other blogs and fora.

Ten months from now, will FPR still exist?

...Tis strong and bright and true...Except when it isn't.

But, regardless, R. Gary, faithful upholder of all things CES/JFS/BRM on the Bloggernacle, adamantly takes Julie M. Smith to task for trying to reconcile Scriptural texts with empirical data when it comes to Noah's Flood.

Gary, Gary, Gary, when are you going to see the difference between correlated CES material and the Scriptures themselves? How many mistakes in interpretation do GA's have to make before we realize they are just fallible humans, not to be venerated? How many quotes from Joseph Smith do we have to read about how he rejects being overly dogmatic when it comes to points of doctrine? Taking people to task in the Bloggernacle is part of what it is all about. Being a dogmatist isn't. Woof.

Blake Ostler, patron saint of speculators, has ignored requests to link guest posts at NCT to his web page. Kiss someone's butt and then get slapped in the face for it? Ouch. Something tells me Blake will not be guest posting at NCT anymore. Hmmm, now why wouldn't Blake want to be associated with NCT? Anyone?

UPDATE: Since rejecting NCT requests to link his own posts there at NCT, Blake has again posted at NCT. Make sense? Only if you are running a blog with so little clout that you will gladly sell your own soul and eat humble pie day and night in exchange for the tiniest bit of credibility that might transfer through osmosis. NCT permabores anonymously LOLing at Blake's posting are only nervously trying to hide the facts. LOL all you like, you are still rejects. Shame on me, Snarkimus Prime, for assuming Geoff would have enough spine to stand up to Blake's obvious affront. Never again will that mistake be made, oh Jelly Fish of the MoArchipelago.

Here we were hoping we were on a first name basis with our little buddy Mr. Greenwood, Esq. Mr. Greenwood, from this point on, we expect you return the favor and refer to us (the royal we) as Mr. Prime, thank you very much.

Kage is running out of novel material, so she is taking a page from the FMH manual of Standard Operating Procedures and posting on her bathroom habits. Way to keep it classy, girl. How long before she totally sells out FMH style and starts talking about her sex life and how often she jills off?

P.S., Kage, honey, you can sit there and pretend you don't read SnarkerNacle, but there is no way you can convince us you can possibly keep yourself from reading about yourself. Call it a hunch.

Nephrite does not equal Nephite, Jaedite does not equal Jaredite, blah blah blah! Needless discussion!

Kaimi neglects to recognize the truthiness of President Gonzales' missionary experience. Perception is everything. It's certainty in the uncertain world of missionary life.

Although I usually hesitant to double snark a single Nacle Post, for Steve Evans, I’ll make an exception.

Steve has made it clear he doesn’t like George W. Bush. I’m sure if Nancy Pelosi held an open call for lawyers willing to impeach the president, Steve would run over Bambi to be first in line.

Let’s leave aside for the moment the fact the country is at war with a ruthless enemy whose goal in life is to behead all beardless men and burka-less women. The biggest threat to world peace isn’t Islamofacism, but rather the Evil Bush Cabal.

Steve isn’t concerned about the creeping influence of Sharia on the world his children will live in. He’s worried that somehow, some Bush/Cheney/Rove sympathizer might somehow slip some Rovian-seeded thoughts into his children’s Primary lesson.

To pre-empt this possibility, Steve has come up with a “pre-recommend” interview to be given prior to the actual temple recommend interview and weekly thereafter (as opposed to the bi-yearly recommend interview – after all, those interviews “don’t pick up on every moral ill.”).

1. Did you vote for the evil Bush Cabal in 2000? If so, have you completed the requisite repentance steps inclusive of the requisite personal declaration that Al Gore should now be President?

2. Do you now, or have you ever, sympathized with, given aid or comfort to, or otherwise supported any policy put forth by the Bush/Cheney/Rove Regime? Such behavior includes, but is not limited to blatantly driving a gas guzzling SUV with a Bush/Cheney 2000/2004 bumper sticker, spending your tax cut money however you see fit, and last but certainly not least, outwardly displaying anything which can remotely be construed as [gasp] Republican.

3. Have you physically participated in an Anti-Bush rally? If no, please give a detailed explanation for your behavior.

4. Do you believe Dick Cheney is a Sith Lord? If not, why not?

5. Were you responsible in any way, shape, manner or form for the evil Bush/Cheney/Rove Cabal’s return to power in 2004? If so, have you performed the modern equivalent to a “sack-cloth and ashes” ritual to atone for this evil act?

And here I thought the left side of the political (and Nacle) sphere was supposed to embrace “diversity of thought” and refrain from judging others. So much for acceptance of and tolerance for any views which diverge from their own.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write the Waterboarding manual for the High Priest's Group.

I understand the importance of getting good grades, but these girls seem to have it backwards. When I was in school, I always tried my best to get A's. B's may get degrees, but C's and D's won't get you into the Y, ladies.

The Snarker spider is the Echelon of the ‘Nacle – endlessly trolling for snarkable material. Today it found this chorus emanating from ZD:

I don't like to see the temple,
I'm not going there today.
'Cause I'm not getting married
and no mission's on the way.

C'mon girls, don't you read the 'nacle? You can still run through your neighborhood in a sports bra without the R.S. sisters juding you . And, your potential husbands can still ogle you like sweaty construction workers.

Steve Evans is alarmed that waterboarding was developed and sanctioned by people who could be sitting in his very own church meetings. Steve obviously hasn't heard that these tactics were refined while these guys served in local ward callings. They had some of the best home teaching stats anywhere, let me tell you.

Setting: The PPI. No tablecloth or refreshments. Two folding chairs, one table with velcro tie-restraints, 50-gallon culinary-grade water storage container from "BePrepared.com".



EQP: Brother Jones, thank you for taking time to meet with me today.



Jones: No problem. Hey, what's with the water tank?




EQP: Never mind that, Brother Jones. Just answer the questions and we'll have you outta here in a jiffy. Tell me, how are your home teaching families?



Jones: They're doing great.




EQP: Really... So, you're visiting them regularly?



Jones: Oh, definitely.




EQP: So... you were there last month?



Jones: Last month, let's see... uhhh.. yeah, I probably saw them last month.




EQP: Uh huh. Are you sure?



Jones: Uhhhm, sure.




EQP: (Sighs) Brother Jones, I want to believe you. I'm willing to look past the blue shirt, the mix-and-match suit colors, even your lace-free loafers. But I received an email from Sister Hadley--just yesterday--asking "Who are my home teachers?" Why would she ask that, Brother Jones, if you just visited her?



Jones: Dementia?




Door opens, three men enter.




EQP: You will remember my "counselors", I'm sure. The guy in the middle is my secretary. Brethren, let's get started. Strap him down.




Jones: Wait!! Wait!! I'll talk! Okay, okay, I admit.. I have no idea who Sister Hadley is. I wouldn't know her if I tripped over her! I promise I'll do my home teaching next time, just give me one more chance!



EQP: That's better, Brother Jones. Thank you for your willingness to serve.