Most Bloggernacle bloggers consider the DAMU (see definition 5) to be the bane of their existence (except for FMH, since half their readership is DAMU), since those pesky ex-mo's love to troll. Well, now a prominent Bloggernacle Blogger (at least he considers himself to be prominent) is playing both sides of the court, but he is doing so anonymously. Sure, he isn't self-identifying, but it isn't hard to come up with a short list, very short actually, if you take the time to hunt for clues.




Here is what can be gathered from his posted comments:

Male
Married with children
Exceptionally profane
Long time Bloggernacle blogger, drops all the Big Blog names, refers to Nate Oman by first name only
Probably a lawyer (how many non-lawyers use the word "dispositive"?)
Privy to internal workings of a Nacle group blog that gets targeted by DAMU
Very sensitive to currently popular feminist issues

Why is this Bloggernacle Blogger hiding? He answers that question himself here:

On the other hand, it's also clear that more orthodox Mormons would not consider me one of them; and that, if they knew my particular belief configuration, they might try to expel me from the community, in one of their community-policing actions. Which would limit my ability to participate in the cafeteria. You can't order a la carte when you go to the Soup Nazi's restaurant.

Sure, sure, blame your anonymity on the Nazi Orthodoxy.

We think we know who it is, what do you all think? What additional evidence can we gather about "Cafeteria Mormon"? We think he just isn't getting enough attention inside the Bloggernacle anymore, so he is trying to cash in on his cred there to get attention from the DAMU/Ex-mo crowd. Why do you think he is doing this?

FYI: When "Cafeteria Mormon" first signed up with FLAK, his user name was "Blogger of Nacle" and his profile picture was a LOLCats pic that said "Banning yo DAMU ass from the Nacle!" or something like that. He changed the pic and user name because some of the FLAK crowd was taking him to task for his seemingly pro-Naccle stance. But, there are a lot of comments still around referring to him as "BoN" or "BoNer" because of his old "Blogger of Naccle" user name.

Nacle: < silence >
Kaimi: It might be Christmas Eve, but I am going to blog anyway. Because I am dedicated. And worth reading. And not bored.
Nacle: < silence >
Kaimi: I'll say something poignant, and heartfelt about... um... silence... and... Jesus... and tie in my clever kids as the hook. People always eat that up.
Nacle: < silence >
Kaimi, pensively waiting for comments: Hmmm, better trying something else.

The Bloggernacle is all excited about how Elder Ballard suggested BYU-H graduating seniors go online and blog about being Mormon so they can add their faithful voices to the Internet. The only specific blog he mentions is Flooding the Earth.

OK people, let reality sink in here for a minute. Elder Ballard found a relatively obscure blog, and yet he somehow missed all the big ones? No, he didn't. If he spent 3 seconds on the Internet searching "mormon blog" what did he overlook? All of you "Big Blogs". The only way he could have skipped all of you accidentally is if he did "book of mormon blog" and clicked "I'm Feeling Lucky" and then stopped right there. Unlikely, isn't it?

What you people are heralding as an endorsement is in fact a backhanded slap. Elder Ballard is telling a bunch of kids graduating from BYU-H to go out and blog on their own. He is not, repeat, NOT encouraging them to go and participate in the Bloggernacle. He is encouraging them to go out and blog independent of the Bloggernacle.

Congratulations, Bloggernacle, Elder Ballard doesn't see fit to endorse you as a model graduating seniors from BYU-H should emulate or a community they should participate in. Endorsing blogging is not endorsing the Bloggernacle.

Dear TracyM:

We would like to thank you for returning to our Stuff department. We are ever so grateful you were wise enough to leave your Red Headed Terrorists at home this time. As you probably noticed, we have enough trouble keeping our aisles passable without them climbing to the top of the shelves and tossing down pallets of dishwashing soap as they scream with glee unintelligible phrases having something to do with bubbles.

We understand your frustration in being unable to find whatever elusive toy you came to our Stuff Mart in search of. We’d apologize for your having been misled by one of our employees, but honestly, Tracy, what do you expect from some guy named Jinger at five o’clock in the bloody morning?

As for your foray into our “girls” section, we simply cannot be held responsible for your reaction to the skanky clothing produced by our third-world sweatshops. Our goal here is shareholder value, not skin coverage. Besides, you obviously missed the carefully placed sign above the “girls” department. We feel the warning “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here” is pretty self explanatory. Abby didn’t need those tights anyway - Ruffles are so last year. As a side note, glitter is the new black – haven’t you heard?

Again, thank you for visiting your neighborhood Voldemart Stuff department – sans the Red Headed Terrorists. Our maintenance department sends along their heartfelt thanks as well. And, despite your protestations to the contrary, we know you’ll be back.

Till then, we remain the humble recipients of your family’s hard earned lucre,

Voldemart

Wecome to the T&S Christmas Party!

Why thank you! You got any food? We’re starved!

But of course. In the gastronomically correct holiday tradition, I have prepared a healthy feast for you and your fellow carolers.

…

Don’t you have anything, well, tastier?

I will not be a party to the hardening of your arteries! What’s next? You want me to pick up a carton of Marlboros for you?

Well, now that you mention it...

Hush, Brother Davis!!

No sweets for you…any of you! Come back...Next year!!

9M, BCC, T&S and MoSto have already started speculating on something the rest of you will inevitably be blogging about, so hurry up and stake out some original territory before it becomes one huge recycling bin of adulation and attack. Seriously, if you haven't already posted on it, then consider yourself a fool for squandering a full day of comment harvesting on something other than what is going to dominate the entire Bloggernacle weekend.

BORING-AS-HECK BANDWAGON-JUMPING-ONNER UPDATE:
T&S Matt Evans
T&S Collective Conglomerrulate
9M Tom
9M Lamonte
DMI Dave
MM arJ
MoSto John
AllE Doug
ASA David
And probably a bunch more before the sun sets.

Ugh, more:
ABEV John F
AllE Travis, and again.
MoBlo Mark
NL L
ASA David
ASA David
M0 Geoff
SSS JMW

And dragging it on into Friday:
T&S Dave
T&S Matt
MoSto John
MoSto John again

Dragging into the following week was almost everything John Dehlin posted at MoSto.