Here is this Halloween's List of blogs to read while listening to Beethoven's 5th Symphony:

Anemic Looking a little peaked.

Millennial Star
Straight and Narrow Blog
Mormon Metaphysics


Moribund The walking dead.

Blogger of Jared
Prayer of Faith
Spinozist Mormon
Cold and Calculating
No Death Before the Fall


Rigor Mortis Deeply interred.

LDS Patriot
Rock of Salvation
The Iron Rod
Mormon Open Forum
Popcorn Popping
Purim
Bob and Logan
Ironic Priesthood
LDS Liberation Front
Viva Ned Flanders
The Rocky Shore
Latter Day Blog


Actually, most of these going defunct makes us Happy! Did we miss any?


This Halloween is pretty uneventful. In 2005, Halloween was just about when Banner of Heaven imploded and the fallout was absolutely awful. And in 2006, Halloween was pretty much when Mark Butler pulled the wool over Millennial Star's eyes and lead them to near-extinction. This year? Really, its been pretty quiet. No tricks, just the lovely little treats of the above blogs going under.

Happy Pagan Orange and Black Celebration of Death and Decay! May your holiday be as filled with compost, offal and gangrene as the Bloggernacle is.

Rabid Dan just can't lay off the smack. Three days into his week-long fasting from politics on his own blog he is just doing it on a different blog. Dan, Dan, Dan, if there is "nothing enjoyable about it" then why can't you stop? Because you have a problem. The solution is obvious: The 12 Step Approach to Politics. Give it a shot, Dan. For yourself, for your family, for the Bloggernacle. Please.

BCC revels in the sort of squalor that usually afflicts FMH, providing first-person accounts of why the Bar was Raised when it comes to full-time missionaries.

I don't know which is worse, that Aaron, a celebrated BCC perma takes pleasure in presenting the worst as his best, or the way dedicated BCC fans love this kind of cynicism and praise his nihilism. What I do know is this kind of post speaks volumes about BCC in specific and the makeup of the Bloggernacle in general.

Hey everyone, I know you don't see much of me around the Bloggernacle, since none of you bother to listen to me (except for Bloggers of Jared, M&M, Jettboy, Connor Boyack, and M* Mark Butler), but a recent post needs to be addressed so you Liahona types don't wander totally off the straight and narrow path and drown in the filthy water.

Jacob at NCT is kinda sort of right but mostly wrong. While I am under strict non-disclosure agreements and cannot discuss what he does in his spare time, I can fairly state the obvious to bring it to people's attention that his Scriptures have been collecting dust for far too long. If they saw more use, he might have read this and this, which would have made it pretty clear I am not just effervescent vapor that people subjectively feel at their convenience.

No, I am a personage of spirit that has legs (no, there are no wings, sorry literalists, but this fine and pure matter I am made of means what you call "gravity" has no effect on me) and uses them whenever I see the need. And, as far as leaving the movie theater when the naughty bits parts come on, no, that is not how it works. I am clever and informed enough to not go in the first place, so I don't leave, because I was never there in the first place. Dropping the F-Bomb? Feel free to exercise your agency, and I will too by leaving you to play the fool. So, yes, people and things do offend me all the time, and I leave. I have agency just like you. So, there you have it.

Yes, yes, I will certainly work with all repentant sinners, like you bloggers, but there is that repentant thing there. Yes, sure, I do try to encourage even the unrepentant to repent, but, frankly, I have a busy schedule and can spend my time much more profitably working with people who are genuinely repentant, even when they do fall off the wagon now and again. As long as they keep getting back on.

Anyway, just to set things straight, I am a personage of spirit, if you irritate me I will get up and go, or preemptively leave in the event I see things going bad. But, no, that doesn't mean I will not come back and see what you are up to from time to time. And, no, I am not like the sun radiating truth into the universe, that analogy is lousy. The "truth is light" thing is metaphor, don't push it to hard, it was given to people who had no idea what the physics of light really is all about.

Thanks, and please, next time I suggest you do something, listen. Otherwise, you are on your own.

P.S., Oh, yes, and Jacob, the Lord doesn't lie, under any circumstances. Mahonri got it right. You? Not so much.

Rusty, the most metrosexual Mormon in the Bloggernacle has been having a tough time getting people to read his blog, mostly because the permas there aren't posting. So, in an effort to be even more in-your-face cutting edge, he blows Staper's white man's guilt out of the water by signing up the very first ever totally-out-of-the-closet Mormon Gay Man as a perma. Hey, wow, now there is some traffic generating controversy.

Come on, Rusty Flintstone, trying to be cutting edge is so last century. I mean, really, you already wear more eyeliner than Brandon Flowers, everyone knows Kaimi is just too scared to come out of the closet, and BCC and FMH regularly hug gays. The only thing 9M has is that Silus is out, but how "out" since Silus Grok is a pseudonym. Hellmut or Ann could easily one-up 9M by signing Nick Literski or MikeInWeHo. Then what?

Sorry, Fred, the Great Gazoo says you are digging in the wrong quarry. Bloggernacle Hipness is not accomplished by flouting the Big Blogs and collecting permas like trading cards. Content is king, nifty logos are Ikea. Keep trying.

Cold October night
All the leaves fallen down
And the snow on the ground freezing the feet
Lisa’s bus on the road
To the outside of town
And the sound of the whining wanna-be protest drum beat.

They stand with their home-made signs
In the cold, cold breeze
And that whining group
Telling nobody

It’s FMH Lisa!
FMH Lisa’s Traveling Protestation Show!
She’s packed up her babies,
She’s grabbed the old ladies
But nobody goes
Everyone knows
Sister FMH Lisa’s show.

[Sermon]
Reach out with your left hand, and stretch forth your “Impeach Bush Now” sign
…’cause that’s what its there for
Now take your right hand, and lock arms with the unkempt, unshaven, and unbathed hippie next to you…
…’cause that’s what he’s there for

Take my hand in yours
Whine with me this day
In my heart I know
I’ll make the Salt Lake Tribune’s front page!

It’s FMH Lisa!
FMH Lisa’s Traveling Protestation Show!
She’s packed up her babies,
She’s grabbed the old ladies
But nobody goes
Everyone knows
Sister FMH Lisa’s show.

You know, every time I read BCC I feel the Spirit leave me. Now I understand why! It's because they don't follow their own rules of Christian conduct. Sure, sure, they are honest enough to admit they are jerks, but the way they allow left wing nutjobs to freely run amok while editing, banning and deleting the right wing nutjobs goes beyond the pale. Regardless of which type of nut job you are, everyone recognizes what gross bias looks like, and BCC excesses have been extreme for the past couple of weeks. If you people don't start leveling the playing field and make at least some effort to be fair, all you have accomplished to overtake T&S as #1 will be squandered by your petty personal politics as you degenerate into a haven for left wing trolls. And you wonder why conservative Bloggernacle bloggers look down their noses at you? When you act like this you are only confirming their suspicions.

The General Relief Society President dared to have the nerve to do her job and show herself in public and speak to women of the Church. Predictably, she was roundly criticized on almost every blog in the Bloggernacle for it. Why? Because of a "total lack of deep gospel mojo", because she made obsessive mothers feel guilty, and she failed to criticize the men of the Priesthood. You know, it just doesn't matter what President Beck said, she would have been attacked for it regardless. Never mind that it is outside her authority to speak to men of the Church, that some women will feel guilty no matter what, and the Bloggernacle in general (and FMH in specific) lacks deep gospel mojo. None of that is relevant when it comes to emotional tirades.

Judging from the number and variety of threats of letter writing, Church Headquarters in SLC will likely be deluged by hate mail that will have to be security screened, so if you are ordering anything from Church Distribution you should probably do it over the web site or phone if you want timely delivery.

The sad thing is the entire round of complaints, whining and accusations was so predictable, it could have been scripted months ago. Sister X speaks at GC, angry Bloggernacle womyn react negatively because she fails to uphold their view of how the Church should be run and attack her for it, the more faithful and sensible female bloggers shake their heads in dismay and embarrassment, men divide up along the lines of which camp they are in, it gets snarked, after a couple of days everyone forgets about it and nothing changes. Repeat in six months. Next March, how about we do it all the weekend before the real General Conference, so when the real one comes up people will actually listen to it and think about it rather than dump their incendiary mind vomit onto their laptops real-time instead. Maybe, just maybe, something someone says will sink in an actually result in someone taking it to heart.

As an aside, one noteworthy point is the womyn of the Bloggernacle not only covet the Priesthood, they also covet the Presidency of the Relief Society as well. See guys, they don't just hate you, they hate themselves too. Comforting that the womyn of the Bloggernacle are equal opportunity usurpers, isn't it?

Talk about swallowing the camel whole, the FPR crew is at it again. Jesus Hates Families and Mormons Don't, so the Community Suffers. It has to be a game for them to come up with crazy ideas and then go proof text it, ignore anything that contradicts their selective reading and see how far they run with it before someone calls them on it, right? I mean, they are all into reading the Scriptures in the correct historical context, and Judaism, both ancient and modern is pretty pro-family, right? Hey, I guess you read things in context only when it is convenient. Or is it just that most of them are single and embittered? DavidJ is the only one that sounds off about being married with kids and he is obviously bitter about it. Hey, DavidJ, sorry the whole procreation thing interfered with your academic career and pursuit of material comfort, but, there is this as consolation.

In the ongoing battle to be more politically correct and racially sensitive, BCC has dealt T&S a crushing blow. Team BCC, as lead by Ronan J. Head and supported J. Nelson Seawright spearheaded the assault on lingering Mormon racism. Steve Evans had to gratuitously attack and ban anyone who failed to toe the BCC line to play catch up. And catch up he did, with extraordinary grace and style. Nothing like abusing your position of power to silence those who disagree, huh guys? Never mind that the arguments they use are just as culturally normative as the ones they attack, the only difference being about 50 or 60 years of popular trendiness. Never mind what the Scriptures actually say, that is irrelevant in the light of polished words and socially normative hipness.

Congratulations, guys, you are every bit as irrational and bigoted as the "racists" you hate.