Mitt and Bushman cannot be spoken of in the media without someone in the Bloggernacle commenting upon it at length about it. And, yet, the entire Bloggernacle has apparently missed this one! Wow, Bushman commenting on Mitt, that is a double dose of Bloggernacly goodness just begging for a post, and everyone is asleep at the wheel. What gives people?

Girls, girls, really. I am flattered that you talk about me so much and so often, but, really, there are better ways to spend your time. How about you do your old Mother in Heaven a favor and actually help your sisters there in mortality out? Trying to be all politically uppity is the world's way of doing things. "Well-behaved women seldom make history"? Sorry, Laurel, that just isn't my way. Call me discreet, and call me old fashioned, but actually serving and sacrificing for others is my way of doing things. If you want to honor me, enough with the lip service. How about some real service? The hours you spend blogging about me could be spent actually doing something to help someone, which would really make me happy and lighten the load on all of us up here. And, it will be a lot more fulfilling for you than blogging. Seriously, what can you say about me that someone has not already said, right there on your very blog? Nothing. You are done. Thanks. Now go out and do something. Want to be an activist? How about going down to the local shelter and getting involved in a someone's life? That is the kind of activism I like.

Love,

Mom

Did I mention how well read I am? No? Oh, yes, well, I do read a lot, and therefore have a huge pile of books with very snotty titles by very prominent authors. Yes, yes, I really am that erudite and scholarly. Do feel free to bask in my glow and be intimidated by the very aura of my eminent brilliance the next time I comment on your blog, and do feel unworthy to contradict or even question anything I say since you are so ignorant compared to me.

OK, if you have time to write up lists of all the books you own and post it online, you obviously aren't reading books, you are just collecting them to show off to your Home Teachers to lead them to believe you have actually read them, which you probably haven't. Time for a garage sale, packrat.

One year ago, on May 27, 2006, Adam Greenwood threw T&S into utter contention by comparing himself to Abinadi. And he apparently got himself suspended for it. How do we know this? One year and one day later, almost to the very millisecond, on May 28, 2007, Adam Greenwood takes to blogging again at T&S by quoting the Gettysburg Address, then again on May 29 he posts again, on something that would more typically be a sidebar "Notes from All Over". Coincidence? Unlikely. Adam has been active over the past year in the comments and Notes from All Over, but has not posted anything new as a permablogger (he did get greenlighted for one repost).

While the Millennial Black Hole sighs in relief (yes, it actually is still breathing) to be free of Adam, no doubt T&S will shortly be roiling in debates about abortion, traditional American Mormon values and Mitt Romney. Lucky them. And, more lucky are all of us, to once again be blessed with these pearls of wisdom.

Eric just cannot understand why people in the Bloggernacle think he is a self-righteous jerk. Gee, maybe it is because he considers himself a nice guy in "a place like this". Or maybe it is because he considers himself and the way he does things "orthodox":

I think that what we rely on at the end of the day is important in determining how orthodox we are. If we are honestly basing our beliefs and actions on the scriptures and on modern day prophets as a whole then we can consider ourselves orthodox within the church. If we are basing our beliefs on something else and ignoring the scriptures we are not.

Nah, couldn't be that he is accusing others of being dishonest and of not following the scriptures or modern day prophets. Or, what about the way he passive-aggressively paint himself as the innocent victim when he compares the bloggernacle in general (or at the very least those who call you "self-righteous") to teenage bullies who try to get him to swear or his drunken golf buddies who try to get him to drink beer? Yeah, Eric is the hapless, innocent who is beset by angry meanies who hate him for no other reason than he is doing his best at being a nice, righteous guy.

OK, Mr. Goody Two Shoes, stop your whining. There is nothing goody-goody about going around voicing opinions in public about who is good (yourself) and who is bad (the bloggernacle). Hey, guess what, there are going to be people who disagree with you. And they are entitled to. Because you are just some opinionated blogger, just like all the other opinionated bloggers. That is what a public forum is about. And disagreeing with you doesn't make people bad.

You might be, as you say, "a schmuck", but engaging in self-deprecation like this does not change the fact that you are acting in an obnoxious and offensive manner and are getting what you asked for. Self-made martydom does not necessarily mean you are righteous. Jesus and the apostles were persecuted for their righteousness, but that doesnt mean all those persecuted are righteous. Going around slapping people in the face is going to get you slapped back, and that is what you are getting right now. What comes around, goes around.

Should the bloggernacle turn the other cheek? Yes. But, well, it looks like we are no better than you when it comes to actually doing what Jesus taught.

Here are all of the rejected submissions* from BCC's lolnacle thread:


































*I don't know why Steve wouldn't accept Team SN's submissions.

FMH is featured in this month's issue of Bust magazine, which self-describes as follows:

BUST is a groundbreaking women's lifestyle magazine that is unique in its ability to connect with bright, cutting-edge young women. With an attitude that is fierce, funny, and proud to be female, BUST's revolutionary editorial mix addresses a refreshing variety of women's interests, including pop culture, music, crafting, fashion, sex, news, and celebrity interviews. Hip, humorous, and honest, BUST is a cheeky celebration of all things female and a trusted authority on up-and-coming trends among young women.

They have been cutting edge hawt grrl trendy in a stereotype smashing way since 1993. So stereotype smashing that the only "feminist" who has heard of them before now is John "FMHLisa swoons for me" Remy, and he...errr...ahhh...ummmm...reads it for the articles. In other words, it is not a feminist mag, at all, it is pop culture effluvia for grrrls (and Suicide Girls oglers), and John goes into Borders and reads it all the time, but does not usually buy it, except this time, because it features FMH (if he bought it monthly, why wouldn't he save the money and time and subscribe and help them stay in business?)

OK, so FMH is a trend-breaker because it is "Mormon and Feminist", and is therefore a square peg, a walking contradiction. Well, there you have it. And that means they can eschew wisdom and cozy up to the world. Congratulations, grrrls, when Jesus tells the woman caught in adultery to "go and sin no more", you are keeping company with people who say "adultery is no more sin". Maybe you can get Chloe "Brown Bunny" Sevigny to autograph your courtesy copy.

Daniel Bartholomew is one of the Bloggernacle's...um...errr...more different...and unique...individuals. He makes odd line art, likes to count up word frequencies in the chapters of the Book of Mormon, thinks Sustain'd is a great idea and FMH is "big", and blames everything bad on the chupacabra. Kinda makes you wonder what makes a guy like that tick. Well, the truth has now been revealed with photographic evidence that his brain has been eaten by a space alien, which actually explains an awful lot.

...but you can never leave.

This blogging thing is more addictive than crack. You got people trying to leave, but not.

And, after an almost two year-long absence spurred by a vow to never return, JMW sort of returns to the Bloggernacle by having his blog listed at the MoArch in box 6.

I think LDS Family Services needs to start offering 12 Step services to bloggers.

Nothing like hijacking someone else's post in an effort to ingratiate yourself with women and pump up your own stale blog.

Why come up with something novel to blog about when you can swipe Mother's threads the day after Mother's day and move them to your blog just to work in some brown-nosery? Why let those 70+ comments languish at VSOM when you can host them at T&S instead?

There is a real Mother's Day present, right? Taking their topic and giving it the notoriety it deserves...just not at their blog. Would you like a little insult with that injury?

UPDATE: KHH has attempted to take back the thread from KW, and largely does, while the T&S thread devolves into another DKL dirge of self-absorbed banality.

Why is Mormon Stories pink all of the sudden?

As [I] promised [all of you, my loyal fans,] I have committed to dedicate the next 5 episodes of Mormon Stories Podcast to LDS Women’s issues[, as far as they relate to me and how I can promote myself through them].

However, I need your help. I cannot do this alone[, because you, my loyal fans, need to pay attention to me, and I do need some guests, right?]. Specifically:

* What stuff should I read before conducting the interviews? [Not that there is anything you can suggest that I haven't already read, because I have already read it all, and there are tons of posts elsewhere on the bloggernacle already answering this question, but mostly because I want you to read my blog and leave a lot of comments praising me.]
* Should I team up with a woman to conduct the interviews? Better yet, should I ask a woman (or women) to conduct the interviews without my participation? If so, who? [I mean, really, who is as good a host as I am? I cannot even imagine anyone else doing it, especially since there are no women podcasting in the bloggernacle, so I am just being gracious here, and not seriously offering to hand over the mantle. But, you have to admit, it is good of me to even make the offer.]
* What should the 5+ episodes entail? [This is where you tell me how wonderful I am and how the 5 dedicated committed episodes will not be enough of my dulcet voice for you.]
* Who should I interview for each episode? [Because it really is all about me, so while I offer above to have others do the interviewing, we all know that really means me, and I am only pretending to be gracious.]
* What should be covered in each episode? [Besides me, I mean.]

Please don’t answer any of these questions here [because I want to milk this for all it is worth]. I will create a blog post dedicated to each of these questions. In the mean time, I have created a wiki page for collaboration on these topics. Please check it out here, and feel free to help me enhance/augment. You can do so by registering, or anonymously. [I don't care which, as long as you do it.]

I very much look forward to working with you all to knock this series out of the park. This may be the most important thing I do with Mormon Stories. [Note the emphasis on "I", because this isn't about women, it is about me podcasting on women.]

Why is Mormon Stories pink all of the sudden? [Because I want you to pay attention to me! And any superficial means of drawing attention to myself is perfectly acceptable, and we all know blue=boys and pink=girls, hence FMH's pastel pinkness which I endeavor to mimic to garner their praise so they will give me a sidebar link! {Editorial note: oops, got that one wrong, the pink color got MS a post, woohoo!} And, come on, you know you want me to interview FMHLisa, I know I do, so she will definitely give me a sidebar link! And someone at Exponent II, and Sunstone, yeah!]

Inspired by the brilliant and insightful exposition of the manly men at Blogger of Jared, a brave and bold new blog has sprung forth from the ground to provide an outlet for all manly Mormon men to opine their manly concerns. (click the link only if you are a man, or man-enough).

This month's topic will be seasonally timed: Weedwhackers:Gas or Electric?

Next month: Is artillery sufficiently phallic in design?

While Aaron B. Cox has not been seen around the Bloggernacle in some time, he is fondly remembered for his proclivity for Truman Madsen. Some also esteem him as the forerunner of Blogger of Jared.

Aaron is doing reasonably well for himself and has relocated from Atlanta, GA to San Francisco, CA to pursue his love of lacrosse and continues to expand his construction skillset with Cahill Contractors.

Mormon Mommy Wars’ Heather O. has a little secret which finally became too big to conceal. She’s with child and well on the road to delivering a new bundle of joy on or around June 11th. Congratulations are in order, although Heather shouldn’t expect a present from us here at Snarker, Inc. We’re cheap and we’re guys. We don’t do baby showers – one of the main tenets of Guydom is the commandment that no self-respecting guy ever willingly attends a baby shower.

Many Bloggernacle Sisters chronicle their entire pregnancies online. Some are more entertaining and comical than others. Yes, Tracy M., I’m talking about you. As Heather has, up until now, avoided chronicling the first 35 weeks of her pregnancy, she now has to make up for lost time. She started today and proved that pregnancy can and often does have an adverse effect on a woman’s driving ability.

So, look forward to more tales at MMM. I won’t comment much because I’ve been around enough pregnant women to know anything I say, do, or even think can and will result my having to shield myself from flying debris.

Best of luck to you, Heather. Rest assured there will be no snarks mentioning midnight ice-cream runs, pickle juice consumption, or waistline expansion. We’ll leave that in your capable hands.

Kaimi is excited about the prospect of sending Mrs. Kaimi back to school and resting on his laurels, enjoying a life of blogging leisure. Thanks President Hinkley! Never mind he was speaking at a Priesthood Session of General Conference, and was addressing the Aaronic Priesthood aged boys to encourage them to get themselves into college, pointing out their female peers were going to college at rates exceeding theirs. Not to worry about that when you can send the wife back to school to increase her earning...I mean...learning potential and make it easier for you to work on publishing articles in Law Journals...and blog.

'Mid liberal Bloggernacle he did dwell,
Warning Sunstoners they'll go to hell.
False doctrine by verse he did preach,
In his own image did he teach.
"The dove and whale become like one"
This makes no sense, but sound like fun,
A feathery, flying whale that weighs a ton.
"Saving masses and losing none"
Um, except Judas Iscariot and,
oh, yeah, perdition's son.
The orthodox, like Jettboy, truly follow the scriptures,
save composing verse, are released from it's strictures.

The second stanza is about Joseph Smith?
Or is it Eutychus, I know not which!
Meandering through windows, no tears shed?
What, oh what is in Jettboy's head!
Mysteries of the Universe laid bare for the Nacle,
A qualified art critic these problems he'll tackle.
A scholarly, well-read, master of prose,
writes poetry yielding nighmarish repose.

Margaret Young, T&S defector (a.k.a. Blogger Emeritus) has delivered a stunningly well-written post at BCC that hands T&S' uber-mensch Wilfried Decoo a punishing overthrow as the previously unchallenged and unparalleled King of Pathos.

We luv ya, Wifried, but Margaret got more salutory comments on this one than you have in a long, long time, maybe ever. The King is dead, all hail the Queen!

And BCC delivers yet another painful kick in the shins to their arch-nemesis, T&S.

Setting aside hair-splitting arguments about what "The Bloggernacle" is, the LDS Church clearly has not acknowledged it in the manner DMI Dave and ASA David wish. Here is what the passage in question says:

Blogs that focus on Mormon themes have had an increase in activity as well.

In other words, some people blog on "Mormon themes." Hardly an endorsement or acknowledgement of the Bloggernacle. Keep on wishing.

Neither the Hedgehog blog nor the Article VI blog are listed on the MoArch or LDSdefect or Planet LDS or mormonblogs.org.

Hedgehog blog does get linked on the hyper-inclusive mormon-blogs.com, all the way at the bottom of the page under "Law & Politics", but even that one doesn't link to the Article VI blog, although Article VI gets a sidebar link at ASA. Oh, and, yeah, ASA David runs mormon-blogs.com, so unless you are into circular definitions the Hedgehog blog isn't part of the Bloggernacle, and the Church still doesn't know you exist. Sorry DMI Dave and all of you aspiring wanna-be big shots.

Someone please, please shoot me! The entire Bloggernacle has completely lost its collective mind and is presently gorging itself on "The Mormsons". Holy cow.

Thank heavens someone has posted something substantive to discuss besides this show.

Everyone, please, come to your senses. This is a like a flash mob, except it is spontaneously enacted not by txt mssgng nrrds, but by self-obsessed bloggers. Please, blog about something else.

Have you ever wondered if there were closet Nacle participants in your ward or stake?

Now you can find out, with the patented Nacle Litmus test!

As you interact with your LDS friends this week, ask what they thought of PBS Frontline documentary, "The Mormons". You may expect one of two reactions:

1) "I can't believe how negative it was! It was nothing but a biased hit piece on the Church, probably produced by a bunch of anti's!"

2) (shrug) "Yeah, I saw it. It didn't have anything new to say."

And BINGO! You've identified your fellow Bloggernacler. Embrace this person, and welcome him/her into the limelight and fame of the LDS blogger-hood.