You know, as the week started out, we were actually thinking our version of Elephant Repellent was working, especially when you see stuff like this and this. Yeah, you sit there and think, "Hey, maybe we aren't the only ones sick and tired of the same old, same old, day in and day out. That is until Tuesday rolled around, and the Nacle was buried in a mound of Horseburger, the grinding of which didn't stop until Wednesday:

Darth Ender's even longer than larscapo's treatise on Gay Marriage. Ugh. Like anyone will wade through this. Even the intrepid, or obsessed, who made it through larscapo's will be unable to bring themselves to read the entire thing. This isn't just beating the dead horse, its griding its bones and mopping up all of the blood for black sausages. We tremble to think of what Mathoni has in store.

Keeping the Sabbath on M*. Yup, there is something that we need to bring up again, the economics of sabbath day breaking.

Abortion on LDB. Dustin is taken to task for arguing his personal politics from the scriptures.

After Wednesday, things cleared off again and the Nacle was once again free of repeats.

We were also pleased to see that T&S was pretty much free of baniku this week (HUZZAH!), as Kaimi was apparently on vacation (note Adam G dominated the 'Notes From All Over' sidebar). Alas, Kaimi will eventually no longer be vacating and then return to his "sabbatical" at T&S and start recycling things again. Against which time we steel ourselves against the imminent onslaught.

It's not quite Deceased Equine Material, but the 'nacle sure has been fixated on money recently, when its not discussing female priesthood, polygamy, Word of Wisdom nuance, and, lest we get too serious, the never ending Poop Chronicles.

For a Friday diversion, and just because I can, here's the 'Nacle Money Song. If you don't recognize the orginal song beneath my parody, your music library is sadly lacking.

******

[Cue Bass Guitar]
[Cue Cash Register]
[Cue Bill Counter]

Money, get away!
Get a good job with good pay and you’re greedy.

Money, it’s a gas!
Those that have cash must’ve cheated for their stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a blogger team.

Money, get back!
Don’t buy a house in my state, okay Jack?

Money, it’s a fling!
Don’t tell me ‘bout goody good tithing.
I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a Lear jet.

Money, it's a crime.
Share it fairly, let Ivan decide what to do with your pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
When you get to heaven you’ll find the rich got lost along the way.
*****
It might be just me, but it seems there are an awful lot of people in the 'nacle who know just how other people should spend their money.

I looked out the window, and what did I see?
Popcorn flopping on the blog literary!
Scott has brought me such an unpleasant surprise,
Un-Seinfeldian non-irony falling flat before my eyes.
The editors considered it to be a mean feat,
Stephen Ethesis and AnneGB, Scott's head did beat.
It was really dark, perhaps offensively,
Some things just don't lend themselves to absurdity.

In the eternal struggle between T&S and BCC (T&S trying to be the biggest and best and failing miserably at the latter, and BCC trying desperately to be bigger and better than T&S and failing miserably at the former), Ronan responded to Nate's post on how there is no outlet for pondering Mormon Culture and probably never will be...oh woe is him. WELL WOE NO MORE, NATE!

Yes, its true, now there is an outlet for Musings on the Social Constructs of Jello Salad and Funeral Potatoes, How Minivans Have Replaced Station Wagons, the Lack of Independent Theatre but Abundance of Rated "R" movies in the Red Central Midwest, Ruminations Regarding Living in Cache Valley, Sneaking Off to Las Vegas for the Weekend, Why Mormons Should't Listen to Prairie Home Companion, Temple-hopping & Church Historical Site Vacations, Why the Bishop's Firstborn Son Always Goes Bad, Trans-Ward Across-the-street Animus and a bunch of other stuff that there really isn't much demand for, hence the lack of a print journal. So, all you would-be Mormon Studies authors (i.e., T&S permabores and wannabes) out there, put a new ribbon in your Smith-Corona! With an august peer review board such as the one heading BCC Papers, there is little doubt there will be any petty infighting or bias in the review process, so the Nacle will soon be bathed in slighly longer and even more boring, only slightly better researched versions of old T&S blog posts. I know I cannot wait, it will be cheaper than Lunesta.

So in case you are missing the latest contention in the Nacle, its over who is in the Nacle and who is just a "Mormon Blogger", or a "Blogger about Mormons", or a "Mormon Blogging about Mormons", or a "Blogger who isn't Mormon but like talking about Mormons", or a "Blogger blogging about blogging Mormons", or...um...you get the idea. The debate is raging so fiercly that a bunch of DAMUs (Disinfected Anti-MormUn s) are weighing in, which is kind of odd since they pretty much hate the Bloggernacle and all it stands for.

Rather than you having to drudge through all the drek, let me break it down for you to the four opposing definitions of what the Bloggernacle is:

1) If you use Blogging software and are "true and faithful" or innofensive to the "true and faithful" you are the Bloggernacle.

2) If you are in any way, shape or form Mormon or used to be or distantly, tangentially related to one you are the Bloggernacle, even if you don't like Mormons and would kill one if you could get away with it.

3) If you hate DKL and revile him, you are part of the Bloggernacle clique.

4) If you generally like Mormons and blog nice things about them that they like to hear and make them feel warm fuzzies, you are the Bloggernacle.

Well, that is all a load of nonsense. These navel-gazing dorks! They don't have anything else to blog about, so they create controversy to distract people from what is totally, painfully, abundantly obvious to anyone who isn't totally blind and stupid! We know what the real determining factor is for whether you are in the Bloggernacle is! Its whether you have been mocked by the Bloggernacle Snarker! Ha! End of controversy.

You know, all these years I have believed Satan had goat legs and hooves and a tail with a pointy barb on the end have been a total waste. If I only knew the truth!



What? Lucifer looks like Jesus? A heart in the middle? This makes about as much sense as calling yourself a gnostic when you are not a gnostic. Apparently these people are "gnostics" because they are trying to discover the gnosis, or secret wisdom of God, or maybe they think they have it (hey, why not, if Mark Butler can, why can't they). Sorry, but that label was codified to a specific set of doctrines that are totally at odds with the Gospel (just ask John the Beloved). Apparently part of their LDS gnosis is discerning Lucifer and Jesus look alike and they hearted each other prior to Lucifer getting kicked to the curb after the Council in Heaven...and selling t-shirts to that effect.

For this week's roundup of totally unoriginal pig swill, Kaimi blathers about women and priesthood, and then men and the priesthood, single-handedly flogging the dead horse with a whip in both hands. We had thought for sure that Nate was on the Word Of Wisdom nag with this one when it popped up, but alas, it was about something else.

The people at Correct Principles (which the Moarch cannot spell right) have threatened to do a big set of essays on Gay Marriage, which they admit "has become so common among the LDS bloggernacle, it is wondered whether our little blog with actually have any sort of impact" but are going to do it anyway. The first post is so long its a wonder the guy kept awake long enough he could write it, and it would me a miracle if anyone actually read the whole thing. So, chances for contention, or even discussion, over this one are approaching nil.

AnneGB's pearls of wisdom are a breath of fresh air in the stale atmosphere of the Bloggernacle. And, you know "Be Prepared" is one of those things that we always need to be reminded of. So, when Anne sees the impending doom right before her eyes, she wants us all to be safe and well and makes some good suggestions :

Get some water on hand and...put in some extra toothbrushes and soap and aluminum foil and paper plates in case you have to take in refugees

OK, sounds good. But, here is where she loses me:

store some coffee and cigarettes. During the holocaust these things were as good as gold to trade. Also light bulbs were a shortage.

OK, Anne, you live in Utah, a rather Mormon part of Utah, where most people don't smoke or drink coffee. If there is a minority that does consume this stuff, then the demand will not be all that high, so you are going to end up trying to barter something none of your Mormon neighbors who have survived the holocaust will want. And, they will look at you sideways and wonder how you survived the Angel of Death when you were breaking the Word of Wisdom. And light bulbs? If society collapses, what are you going to screw those light bulbs into?

TftC Kage has singlehandedly developed a new form of birth control: bloggus interruptus. Her most recent post is so detailed it leaves absolutely nothing, and we do mean nothing, to the imagination. This is not for people of weak constitutions, so do not click this unless you are ready for an accouchement avalanche of totally euphemism-free gore (WARNING: do not visit immediately after eating or drinking, or if you are planning on having any children any time in the near future).

You know, you got to hand it to her, it isn't everyone who can suggest reading something by Jenny McCarthy with a straight face.

P.S., hey, Kage, you forgot a section on surviving your first post-pardum bowel movement. Get on it girl. We expect pics.

Behold, an anonymous snark lampooning the recent Bloggernacle contention surrounding LDS polemicists.

There is beauty all around, when there's love in the Nacle!

Mindy at FMH gets the award two weeks in a row with her WoW-based flogging. We predict she will make it a trifecta next week and do a post on Blacks and the Priesthood or perhaps Polygamy, or maybe Black Priesthood holding Polygamist's Wives Who Struggle with SSA...and the mothers who love them. Jerry Springer calling.

T&S also had a good showing of Trigger filets in threes with Julie saddling up on her favorite old nag, Women and the Priesthood! Rosalynde takes up the challenge with a lady-like poke in the eye. Julie's exceptional capacity for denial and intimate familiarity with cognitive dissonance resulted in a predictable response wherein she refuses to admit she is wrong. Oh, yeah, and she wants a Niblet for cutting and pasting an old e-mail conversation and adding a little bit of new text. Niblet for what? Best Left Overs? Natch, Mr. Original follows suit and posts on the very same subject for a T&S trifecta! That sure isn't "eating meat sparingly" you permabores. You all need to repent of breaking the Word of Wisdom admonition and lay off the bakinu!

As a public service announcement to the Bloggernacle, we want to warn you away from the comments on this post by Nate. Nate's post is the typical half-baked Oman du jour on a paper plate. Its the comments that are positively stomach wrenching. I mean, come on, who wants to have mental images of this? Not me. Oh, hrrrl. Please, please, please don't click that link. You will have to buy a new keyboard if you do.

Ryan at Blogger of Jared loves to hate the Israeli state. He complains about some injustices carried out, as reported by a totally unbaised Muslim second-hand source who relays a totally unimbellished account of horrid atrocities a Palestinian man personally endured.

History lesson: both sides in this conflict have committed egregious atrocities and both sides lie about their own actions and exagerate the other's. Most people who don't already hate the state of Israel recognize this.

But, the fun is at the end, when Ryan faults the Jews of the Israel state for failing to observe Jesus' teachings and Mormon expectations:

This is Zionism, the gathering of God’s elect? This is love thy neighbor? This is blessed are the meek? This is charity, the pure love of Christ?

Ye Elders of Israel indeed.

Faulting Jews for failing to observe Jesus Christ's teachings, and Mormon notions of them gathering and establishing Zion as we see it. Now that makes sense, or at least it does to someone blinded by hate.

UPDATE:In between blaming us for all his personal problems, Ryan admits he sucks and sort of, but not really, retracts what he previously said and half-heartedly apologizes, while only just barely restraining himself from insisting he really is right.

From its inception, Times and Seasons has been an ego vehicle for a relatively small handful of self-absorbed people who enjoy talking about themselves and how clever they are. While the group is relatively diverse on political and social issues, they are all united in how impressed they are with themselves.

It has always been thus.

The first four members of Times and Seasons were Nate, Adam, Matt and Kaimi (who are all very analytical, reasonable, intelligent, and thought-provoking, and each puts a high value on the norms of civil dialogue...just ask them...except Matt, since he doesn't really participate anymore). Because of that heightened sense of self-importance, they think they can discuss issues intelligently and at length, despite substantive disagreements, without the conversation degenerating into garbage. But, the reality is most of what they post is garbage, and they frequently don't know what they are talking about, unless it is on pet matters of legal esoterica that nobody else cares about. Point that out to them, and you will be attacked.

Throughout its development, Kaimi loved the fact that Times and Seasons was an ideologically diverse group. That diversity, in his eyes, was one of the primary reasons they founded the blog (the other primary reasons, which trumped that one proferred, are the ego-driven desire for public adulation and the inability to actually publish in paper journals). The permament T&S roster reflects this as they surround themselves with groomed sycophants who rarely, if ever, question and always praise and defend the core members.

And do note how well the T&S guest list reflects on them. Where else can one find a guest list that ranges from Susan Staker to Joseph Stanford, with stops in between for Dan Peterson, Fred Gedicks, Jeff Lindsay, Damon Linker, Richard Bushman, and Greg Prince, along with dozens of others? I mean, come on, doesn't that just boost their credibility? What scholarship, what brilliance they keep company with. Not to mention they get to go to Millers-Eccles and represent the Bloggernacle. That must prove something! Birds of a feather, right? Or is it just they were first out of the gate and inertia keeps them afloat?

At its best, Times and Seasons offers a chance to have friendly, intelligent discussions across ideological divides (as long as you don't show them to be wrong and you constantly praise them for being so smart and skilled at writing). One can watch them preen, and, really, what is better than that? Times and Seasons offers dialogue — real dialogue about itself and how good it is. Because, if it were half as good as they said it was, they wouldn't have to talk about it, it would be patently obvious. Not something they need to convince you of.

It is vital that each of the group members and conversation participants prize dialogue. A commitment to maintaining the atmosphere of dialogue must trump partisanship. Which is easy, when the real purpose of the blog is currying adulation for the participants, and not genuine dialogue.

Unless it is obvious.

You know, I have always had suspicions that Steve EM wasn't a real person. Well, now he has finally admitted to the truth. He is a dog! Now if we can just figure out who his owner is and get them to change their password on the home computer. Or, just get some new chew toys, to distract him from the computer.



OK, everyone on the Bloggernacle who has a dog: change your password and buy some chew toys. NOW!

You were warned. Now suffer the wrath of the beleaguered Nacle readers who suffer through your retreads!

FMH - W&PH - Anytime you start a post with "I know this has been done to death around the bloggernacle, but..." you should just stop writing and go watch TV or read a book or play with a stray dog.

BCC - WoW - Amri, who's posts are usually original and piquant, comes up with a banal retread. The fruits of Steve's pressure on participants to post regularly? (GoofB at M0 gets the same razz, but his post was an update from last week, so he cannot fairly be hung out to dry for this one)

T&S and DMI - Fourth of July blatherings. Nothing like torpid calendar-driven posts which say nothing new to cure insomnia. Yawn.

Thanks for the unfresh baniku bloggernacle burgers. Did we miss any?

Apologetical attack dog Dan Peterson frequents the Nacle when BYU is out of session, or there are no anti-mormons elsewhere to be found. But Lou Midgley is a regular novelty. So, Lou gets some airtime at (where else?), the Bloggernacle's own Rush Limbaugh Megadittohead, who is filled with love for his fellow man. Ah, yes, contention is of who? Not that there could possibly be any negative repurcussions of calling anyone who doesn't agree with you an apostate. Nah. Hmmm. Maybe Lou does fondue with the Tanners after all.

Update: Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, rehashed all over again for your inconvenience.