Nephrite does not equal Nephite, Jaedite does not equal Jaredite, blah blah blah! Needless discussion!

Kaimi neglects to recognize the truthiness of President Gonzales' missionary experience. Perception is everything. It's certainty in the uncertain world of missionary life.

Although I usually hesitant to double snark a single Nacle Post, for Steve Evans, I’ll make an exception.

Steve has made it clear he doesn’t like George W. Bush. I’m sure if Nancy Pelosi held an open call for lawyers willing to impeach the president, Steve would run over Bambi to be first in line.

Let’s leave aside for the moment the fact the country is at war with a ruthless enemy whose goal in life is to behead all beardless men and burka-less women. The biggest threat to world peace isn’t Islamofacism, but rather the Evil Bush Cabal.

Steve isn’t concerned about the creeping influence of Sharia on the world his children will live in. He’s worried that somehow, some Bush/Cheney/Rove sympathizer might somehow slip some Rovian-seeded thoughts into his children’s Primary lesson.

To pre-empt this possibility, Steve has come up with a “pre-recommend” interview to be given prior to the actual temple recommend interview and weekly thereafter (as opposed to the bi-yearly recommend interview – after all, those interviews “don’t pick up on every moral ill.”).

1. Did you vote for the evil Bush Cabal in 2000? If so, have you completed the requisite repentance steps inclusive of the requisite personal declaration that Al Gore should now be President?

2. Do you now, or have you ever, sympathized with, given aid or comfort to, or otherwise supported any policy put forth by the Bush/Cheney/Rove Regime? Such behavior includes, but is not limited to blatantly driving a gas guzzling SUV with a Bush/Cheney 2000/2004 bumper sticker, spending your tax cut money however you see fit, and last but certainly not least, outwardly displaying anything which can remotely be construed as [gasp] Republican.

3. Have you physically participated in an Anti-Bush rally? If no, please give a detailed explanation for your behavior.

4. Do you believe Dick Cheney is a Sith Lord? If not, why not?

5. Were you responsible in any way, shape, manner or form for the evil Bush/Cheney/Rove Cabal’s return to power in 2004? If so, have you performed the modern equivalent to a “sack-cloth and ashes” ritual to atone for this evil act?

And here I thought the left side of the political (and Nacle) sphere was supposed to embrace “diversity of thought” and refrain from judging others. So much for acceptance of and tolerance for any views which diverge from their own.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write the Waterboarding manual for the High Priest's Group.

I understand the importance of getting good grades, but these girls seem to have it backwards. When I was in school, I always tried my best to get A's. B's may get degrees, but C's and D's won't get you into the Y, ladies.

The Snarker spider is the Echelon of the ‘Nacle – endlessly trolling for snarkable material. Today it found this chorus emanating from ZD:

I don't like to see the temple,
I'm not going there today.
'Cause I'm not getting married
and no mission's on the way.

C'mon girls, don't you read the 'nacle? You can still run through your neighborhood in a sports bra without the R.S. sisters juding you . And, your potential husbands can still ogle you like sweaty construction workers.

Steve Evans is alarmed that waterboarding was developed and sanctioned by people who could be sitting in his very own church meetings. Steve obviously hasn't heard that these tactics were refined while these guys served in local ward callings. They had some of the best home teaching stats anywhere, let me tell you.

Setting: The PPI. No tablecloth or refreshments. Two folding chairs, one table with velcro tie-restraints, 50-gallon culinary-grade water storage container from "BePrepared.com".



EQP: Brother Jones, thank you for taking time to meet with me today.



Jones: No problem. Hey, what's with the water tank?




EQP: Never mind that, Brother Jones. Just answer the questions and we'll have you outta here in a jiffy. Tell me, how are your home teaching families?



Jones: They're doing great.




EQP: Really... So, you're visiting them regularly?



Jones: Oh, definitely.




EQP: So... you were there last month?



Jones: Last month, let's see... uhhh.. yeah, I probably saw them last month.




EQP: Uh huh. Are you sure?



Jones: Uhhhm, sure.




EQP: (Sighs) Brother Jones, I want to believe you. I'm willing to look past the blue shirt, the mix-and-match suit colors, even your lace-free loafers. But I received an email from Sister Hadley--just yesterday--asking "Who are my home teachers?" Why would she ask that, Brother Jones, if you just visited her?



Jones: Dementia?




Door opens, three men enter.




EQP: You will remember my "counselors", I'm sure. The guy in the middle is my secretary. Brethren, let's get started. Strap him down.




Jones: Wait!! Wait!! I'll talk! Okay, okay, I admit.. I have no idea who Sister Hadley is. I wouldn't know her if I tripped over her! I promise I'll do my home teaching next time, just give me one more chance!



EQP: That's better, Brother Jones. Thank you for your willingness to serve.

Lisa was a prophet, tho she surely did not know,
Isaiah ain't got nuthin when mind puke she does blow;
Nudge them True Blues out, she attacks the orthodox,
She will blog forever on a disconnected box.

Follow the Bloggers, Follow the Bloggers, Follow the Bloggers,
marriage should be gay.
Follow the Bloggers, Follow the Bloggers, Follow the Bloggers,
priestess should hold sway.



Hmmm, looks like the Bloggernacle will end up in number 8, or maybe 7. Tough call.