David, my son, do not be so much in a rush to make what is a covenant into not a covenant just because you do not see something to your liking in the canon. And you, Ronan, and you J., and you Luthor. Such smart boys, how are you such noodnicks, such nuchshleppers!

David, there is no promise of salvation outside of my lineage, is there? No. You either have to be one of my literal children or adopted into my family in order to obtain the salvation of the Lord. My son Paul and my son Joseph both speak of this, as is is written. Oi! Gevalt! These kids today! Ongeblussen! And what about Peter! Oy! Schmo!

David, my son, you are missing the forest for the trees. Don't be so dogmatic. And quit it with the kvetching, would you? You say that the the Temple you make a covenant, when you are just redoing what I already did so you may make the same covenants I already made. Guess what? If you want to be in my family, you have to be baptised and take upon you the name of Christ, otherwise you are not going to the Temple in the first place! Taking upon you the name of Christ is not a covenant? David, if it is not a covenant, why do you need the Priesthood to administer it? Ach, if it is not a covenant, then what is it? A nice thing? A quick bath? A waste of water? David, such a nice boy, such a nice, nice boy. Don't be such a kuni leml, huh?

So much for Mormon Mentality being one big happy 'nacle blog.

Barely one day after Devyn laments the struggle he and his wife face with both of them working full time while raising their one year old son, DKL comes out with both barrels trained on David O. McKay's "No Success Can Compensate For Failure In The Home" decree.

Jeeze DKL, did you wake up on the wrong side of the world this morning or are you always this cantankerous?

Can't we all just get along?

Conner Boyack, the Bloggernacle's Most Eligible Bachelor, did some online cross dressing to prove to all the eligible bachelorettes he is a sensitive guy who would gladly defend them from all the freaks and perverts who accost them online. Now all he has to do is convince them he is not one of them. I know I am convinced. What sane single woman could possibly restrain herself from such a fine specimen of manhood?

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The SnarkerNacle:

Dear Editor—

I am 58 years old. I and some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The SnarkerNacle, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, there is no Santa Claus, is there?

Marjorie Conder

Marjorie, you and your little friends are wrong. You all have been affected by the cynicism of a cynical age. Yes, Marjorie, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as Coca-Cola and Currier & Ives and The Saturday Evening Post exist, and you obviously know they exist since you consume their products regularly. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Marjories. There would be no candy canes then, no reindeer, no stockings or presents to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, unless you consider austerity and ascetism pleasurable. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished by the dull boredom of rational adulthood.

Not believe in Saint Nicholas! You might as well not believe in the Bloggernacle. You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, and in doing so take delight in being so pragmatic. But, trying to tear things apart to make everything "real" is counterproductive, and only leaves you with something broken in your hands, something a child will not enjoy. You see, children are not adults. If you seek to do away with things that are not real, then you must dispose of poetry, love, romance, and anything with even the slightest bit of subjectivity in it that even hints of supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Marjorie, in all this world what is real and abiding?

No Santa Claus! He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Marjorie, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. You know why? Because kids are kids, and if adults are smart they will teach kids the difference between Jesus and the tradition of Santa Claus. Vainly trying to do away with Santa will not make Jesus any more real to children.

Apologies to Francis P. Church.

Update: Marjorie is apparently irritated she got snarked, and responds on T&S with a semi-coherent rant about Santa being a secular materialist anti-christ, or something.

In the theory Bloggernacles have people which write. Then bloggernaclers talk of things they know not, but believe is true, because revelation is entitled upon those whom it falls upon with its own will. But do they really exist? What evidence exists to make us suppose they are not or really are not just hypothetically really real? People who seem real are not who they really are at all, because it is all just an image, a false perception, conjured more in the reader's mind of what the writer is like, moreso than the writer is actually writing. The reader is reading things in the writer never intended, so while the writer must necessarily be real, it is the reader that is in fact unreal, because their perception is so innacurate, because what the reader thinks the writer is writing just cannot really be the case. A bit like leprechauns and Santa Claus really.

Alternate title:Blogger of Jared Eats its Own Young

When BOJ signed on Rob Osborne, of Steadying the Ark of Salvation infamy, you knew it was only a matter of time before he posted something just a bit off the beaten track. Who knew that his first time up to bat he would hit it right out of the park!?!? Naturally, all of the other BOJ guys immediately dogpile him in the comments.

Read through for some laffs, like J.Stapley phonetically misspelling cuckoo and being corrected, or even more wacky is Connor Boyack (a.k.a. Captain Crazy Conspiratorialista) questioning Rob's seriousness. Doesn't look like Rob will last long there. Anyone want to make bets? Will he last longer there than Butler did at M0?



UPDATE:Rob was canned faster than fast. Apparently because his "plausible theory" was "too radical". Yup. UFOs spiriting away the Lost 10 Tribes to the hollow earth core via the hole in the North Pole, which emits radiation, thereby causing aurora borealis. Nothing eybrow raising there. Frankly, I am surprised Rob didn't mention an Elvis-impersonating Sasquatch had been piloting the UFOs, and Bat Boy was his co-pilot.

BCC continues to add to its ranks, while T&S shamelessly stocks up on unabashed poaches. Come on Kaimi, how many times can you accuse Steve of being Voldemort before it becomes painfully obvious to the entire Bloggernacle you are insanely jealous of him and BCC's obvious success?

After announcing he can smell the lingering sulfurous stench of Steve in the Bloggernacle, Kaimi welcomes Ardis into the fold, accompanied by Julie M. Smith, T&S' only other active female permabore, and co-poacher.
Sure, sure, Toadies and Sycophants recently added Ms. Ardis Parshall to their ranks (Kaimi sez, "Ha ha, BCC and DKL, we scooped her!"). But the backlog of old research on historical women will dry up soon enough, leaving T&S to languish in recycled "From The Archives" posts mixed with the typical boring uninspired blather.

But, to be fair, we are forced to point out T&S hasn't just added 25% more poaches. They also have 25% more deleted critical comments, which means they have 25% more fawning and brown-nosing. Nice work, Chavez.