As part of our ongoing series...
I wasn't feeling well, so the Relief Society brought me dinner.
It's called "God Be With You 'Till We Meat Again". It contains ground Beef, topped with 2 pepperoni logs, stuffed with Cheez Whiz, topped with a layer of bacon, topped with a layer of molten mozzarella cheese slices, topped with more bacon, topped with meatballs and served with brown gravy.
Later that night I checked into the E.R.
As part of our ongoing series...
Forget the wedding luncheon. The reception isn't until 7pm tonight, so we're off to the hotel "to take a nap".
Last month, Times and Seasons got desperate for content and started a new series called A Mormon Image. One or two readers have sent in images from their lives, and it’s led to some very good discussions, the latest racking up a grand total of 6 comments, one of which was some desperate guy looking to hook up with the subject of the photo.
Now FMH is on the Kaimi bandwagon and letting readers come up with the content so the permas don't have to.
Some bonehead suggested bringing the series to SN as well, and I think that’s a heckuvan idea. SN has a vast community of lazy participants, and the series offers a chance for members of the community to highlight pictures that show their cynical side and frustration with Bloggernacle aristocracy. So we’d like to launch a third-cousin-by-marriage series, A [Rejected] Mormon Image.
We hope that this series will allow us to showcase images that illustrate humor and sarcasm in the life of the Mormon suffering through the Bloggernacle.
All images should be sent to SnarkTeam (at) gmail (dot) com .
Rules: Who gives a rat's.
Striking out at Beth Palmer of the Deseret News (the "biased 'news' source") mfranti says, Nuh uh! Man, I feel like a woman! She's not into all that bra burning, man-do's or all sex is rape stuff. Feminists don't want to be men! Then she asks her sistahs to back her up:
I could say much on this subject but I think you guys could do a better job.
We gotchya Mels. ;) Loud and clear.
Strolling through the nacle this morning, where I have been told I am an unwelcome troll, I passed by fmhLisa’s latest post which calls for a “fourth wave” of feminism. I won’t try to dissect her commentary save for one little rant at the tail end of her post.
Declareth fmhLisa:
We’re not asking for no stinking hand out, we are demanding that we be fairly compensated for our very real, very valuable labor. I’ll say it again, motherhood is the number one risk factor for poverty in America. That is our reward. A woman can invest a lifetime of labor in raising her five children, all of whom grow up to work, paying into the social security system, and exactly how much of that investment of labor is she then entitled to withdraw from that system, the very system her labor directly supported? The answer is zero. If she didn’t have a “real job” if she didn’t “pay into the system” well then, apparently all that labor of raising children, that was totally without value. All those children (raised with to be responsible citizens) paying into the system, measurably worthless. (Emphasis Added)
We will assume that fmhLisa's hypothetical mother of five children is (or was) married at some point in time. This assumption is based on the fact that if he knocked her up five times, she had better have been married to him or retirement is probably the last of her worries. But I digress.
The Snarkernacle Research Department found, with one or two clicks of a mouse, information contrary to fmhLisa's claim:
Social Security survivors benefits can be paid to:
- A widow or widower -- full benefits at full retirement age, or reduced benefits as early as age 60
- A disabled widow or widower -- as early as age 50
- A widow or widower at any age if he or she takes care of the deceased's child who is under age 16 or disabled, and receiving Social Security benefits
- Unmarried children under 18, or up to age 19 if they are attending high school full time. Under certain circumstances, benefits can be paid to stepchildren, grandchildren, or adopted children.
- Children at any age who were disabled before age 22 and remain disabled.
- Dependent parents age 62 or older
- If you are divorced, you may still qualify for survivors benefits.
Simply put, a blindfolded, intoxicated monkey throwing darts at a stock chart could give our divorced/widowed/separated mother of 5 a better rate of return. Again, I digress.
So, o wise fmhLisa, if you're going to slam the "system", the least you can do is research your slams first. Just sayin'.
This is my first entry for T&S' A Mormon Image series. 
Caption: "I suggested my bishop read Times and Seasons."
Shock of shockers, fmhLisa disagrees with Elder Oakes [sic]!
... While I think the analogy was unfortunate and inappropriate, especially considering that the church in the 60s was actively participating in discrimination. [sic] I do have sympathy for the point Oakes [sic] was trying to make ... Still his choice of defending civil freedoms also somewhat [sic] ironic ... almost always a mistake to compare oneself (or one’s opponent) to ... any iconic injustice. Will almost always backfire, make you look silly ...She's write! [sic] Analogies are ridiculous little things, and someone with an extensive legal background, such as Elder Oakes [sic] certainly wouldn't understand the nuance of an analogy. It's not like a former judge would have experience taking similar facts of a previous case and making analogous application of the rule established in the previous case to the case at hand!
We at Snarkernacle found ourselves in a quandary. Who is write [sic]? Elder Oakes [sic]? Or fmhLisa? We convened an emergency conference kall [sic], retired to our respective chambers, and subsequently made a unanimous ruling.
| Dallin H. Oaks | fmhLisa |
|---|---|
| LEGAL EXPERIENCE | |
| Clerked for Chief Justice Earl Warren of the United States Supreme Court Practiced at the law firm of Kirkland & Ellis in Chicago Former justice of the Utah Supreme Court | Is friends with Kaimi and Steve Evans on Facebook |
| ACADEMIC EXPERIENCE | |
| Professor at the University of Chicago Law School, serving as interim dean President of Brigham Young University | Can find Provo on a map of Utah |
| EXECUTIVE EXPERIENCE | |
| Chairman of the Board of Directors of PBS (we won't hold that against him) | Chairwoman of a "big blog" |
| PUBLICATIONS | |
| Numerous peer-reviewed publications on scholarly and legal matters | Frequent rambling blog posts |
| Speaks and writes in depth about topics directly relating to immortality and eternal life of men (and women) | Writes about poop |
| RELIGIOUS SPEAKING EXPERIENCE | |
| Speaks regularly in General Conference | Speaks at Sunstone |
| MISC. | |
| Has no hair | Has pretty auburn hair |
The winner is pretty clear, no? Applying common law to our circumstance, we reviewed prior SnarkLaw cases. In 2007 Snarkernacle endorsed Mitt Romney's candidacy for the GOP nomination because he had the best hair of any candidate--Democrat or Republican. We therefore are bound by--and uphold--our Hair Endorsement Policy of 2007. We rule in favor of the plaintiff, fmhLisa of Feminist Mormon Housewives.