Back in November, Geoff J, head master and hatchet man for the MoArch kicked Rob Osborne and Doug Towers off (go down to the bottom of the page and see the last 4 comments) because he was suspicious of them, on account of the wierd stuff they blog about. Both of them got nearly identical banning announcements from Geoff, at pretty much the same time, suggesting they go and ply their wares at the evil anti-MoArch.

But, hey, look at this: Both Rob Osborne and Doug Towers endorse Geoff J's bloggings. Talk about forgiving spirits! These guys are an example to the entire Bloggernacle.

One has to wonder why Geoff J booted Rob and Doug off the MoArch in the first place, since they all agree. Maybe Geoff doesn't want the competition? Is he jealous of their blogskylz? No doubt Rob and Doug will be adding NCT to their own blog's list of links. The only question is: Will Geoff J be as forgiving and link them back? Show them some luv, dude!

Chorus:
Last Christmas, I showed you my blog,
But the very next day, you snarked it away...
This year, to save me from tears,
I've hidden it someplace special [special!]...

Once snarked and twice shy!
I keep my distance and don't read SN (I lie!)
Tell me baby, do you track my IP?
Well others do, so it doesn't surprise me!

(Happy Christmas!) I fixed up a new template
With an email saying "Stay away" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been!
But if you snarked me now, I know you'd show me again!

[chorus]

A crowded 'nacle, readers with tired eyes
I'm offended by you and your blog of ice
Here I thought I'd find kindred spirits to rely on
Fetch! Look how many times I have been snarked on!

No face on the bloggers with no love in their hearts.
Those snarks undercover, and they tore me apart!!
Oooh Oooh !
Now I've got a new blog, you'll never snark me again.

Last Christmas, I showed you my blog,
But the very next day, you snarked it away [you snarked it away]...
This year, to save me from tears,
I've hidden it someplace special [special!]...

Oh, sweet, that old viral e-mail that used to get forwarded around ad nauseum between people you barely even know and now definitely don't want to get to know any better is now being spread around the Bloggernacle. I would implore the Bloggernacle to stop it, but since it is little more than a vanity project, asking them to stop talking about themselves is pointless. No doubt every blogger in the Nacle is hotly anticipating being tagged so they can talk about themselves.

And why should I be any different? I Snarkimus Prime tag myself, and reveal the truth you cannot handle:

1) I secretly love Times and Seasons. Get used to it. Late into the night, I lose cycle down time, adoringly combing through the archives for every succulent morsel of wisdom that falls from the tables of these preeminently brilliant geniuses. I have even read some of the posts twice, in one night, because they are just that good.

2) When I was a little autobot who could only transform into a Ford Ranger, I wanted to grow up to transform into a Piper Cub. All the kids teased me. I take it out on the Decepticons to this day. Because I can. Help me.

3) Diesel tastes so much better than Energon. The new Ultra Low Sulfur diesel isn't as good as the old stuff, but it is has a nice delicate flavor with no aftertaste, and is still better than Energon. And I really couldn't care less about carbon emissions or global warming either, so pass the Diesel and give the Energon to Starscream, just to shut him up for once. I mean, it is your planet, not mine.

4) On the weekends, I front for my boyz, bustin fresh beats to all mah bootiful peeps. The wackessest rhymes since Big Bang t=0, bustin Megatron like the little girl he is sho.

5) I have nightmares about...please don't make fun of me...I am very sensitive about this...all my chrome...rusting.

And for my three, I tag T&S, BCC and FMH, because we just don't hear enough about them around here.

Dear N.O.,

We fully agree with your idea of making donations instead of giving presents. Therefore, please accept the following along with our warmest wishes for the season.


Happy Festivus!

Love,
Team SN

1) Cinemasochist, Badderest NC-17 Films I Grew to Like Over Time
2) The best Duran Duran song...EVAR!!11!1...oh noes!!!!!
3) Shark Jumping Background Music for your Television Viewing Pleasure
4) Top 5 Online Timekillers, Revisisted, Again, Part 3.2.a.ii
5) How Cool and Hip I am to be So D*mn Trendy and yet Mormon, kinda like Brandon Flowers and Arthur Kane

Runners up:
- Look at this YouTube vid, so teh funnay, lols!
- I heart Morrissey, if you don't then go away and dont come back
- Stop Nagging Me Steve or I WILL TOO Post Another Arbitrary Top 5 List
- Alternative acronyms for WTF
- I do too think Superman Returns is a great movie, even though it really isn't that great, and more or less is a piece of shizzle
- I interviewed a famous real for sure actual director of a real movie because he thought I was a real journalist, and hardly anyone commented
- As a male, I'm not embarrassed to publicly proclaim that I'm a huge fan of the Gilmore Girls, because I am that secure, oh, yes, I am
- Of the Bloggernacle, but not in the Bloggernacle, u r banned so hard for typing the "M" word
- Can I comment if I am not Mormon? What if I am Mormon and have a current Temple Recommend?

No, no, NO. You guys have it ALL wrong.

Here is the list of the top-ten most influential Mormons, the way any sane, red-blooded American would see it:

1) Donny Osmond (Duh!)

2) J.W. Marriott (Duh!) (A&W Root Beer, AND hotels complete with Books of Mormon -- all from one man!)

3) Kevin Rollins (CEO of Dell--What would church record keeping be like without Dell computers? Huh? HUH?!)

4) Jon Huntsman, Sr. (because he's loaded)

5) Harry Reid (because he has the nicest office on Capitol Hill)

6) Larry H. Miller (what other Mormon owns a pro basketball team? Need I say more??)

7) That guy from Napoleon Dynamite

8) Steve Young (because anytime someone talks about famous Mormons, he's mentioned)

9) Whoever designed the San Diego Temple (because it looks cool and people talk about it)

10) Mitt Romney (love the hair, what else can I say?)

I rest my case.

CNU, O'Brien?

Chloe, I need to speak to the president!

(deep voice) Brother Bauer? What a surprise.

This is Agent Jack Bauer, authentication code Palymyra 1-8-2-0. I need to speak to the president.

I represent the "brethren," Jack, you know that. Have you successfully infiltrated.. the 'Nacle?

Yes. For several months now, I've been working undercover, and I have information that...

You haven't been compromised, have you, Bauer?

No! But the information I have, it's essential that you pass this on to the presi...

Have you become addicted?

Of course I'm not addicted. To the petty infighting? To obsessive talk about sex?

Yes, we know. The "I'm cooler than him" battles, all the inactives, the navel gazing, the squabbles, the utter waste of time and effort... So what is this call about, Brother Bauer?

I've uncovered some information that must be given to the brethren. You see, the whole operation--it's a setup, a scam, a fraud...

What are you saying, Bauer?

I'm saying that the entire Nacle is the work of one sick, deranged person.

One person? Writing as all those quirky, self-obsessed freaks? Even the sincere, thoughtful, interesting people?

Yes, yes. The diaper stories, the cat fights, the never ending sex talk, the excruciating, mind-numbing discussions of gospel minutiae, he even created the scandals... You must warn the brethren, this guy is dangerous...

Who is it, Jack? KaiWeng? Steve-a-reeno?

Get me on board Huntsman One, and when I reach safety, I'll inform you of the..

Where are you?

Let's just say I'm nearby.

This is a major development, Brother Bauer. We're going to bring you in.

No! You can't! Months of work will be wasted...

(muffled) That's him, conference center observation deck. Send the field agents...

@*%@$&! Chloe, you've got to find me a way out of here!!

Okay Jack, disguise yourself as a hobo, and exit through the...

Chloe: Wait, Jack, infrared shows two agents approaching...

Hi, Brother Bauer? We understand you'd like a tour of the facility.

(scoffs) You two? They sent the two of you? Don't you know who I am?

(giggles) Of course, Brother Bauer.

(points to companion) That's why she'll pull your tongue out of your nose if you make one wrong move. Now, could we ask you to step through this doorway, please?

%)*%@$&!

NEXT WEEK, on 24: 'Nacle...

Chloe! I'm in the Granite Mountain records vault, and I need backup!!