Poor Janet.

Her kitchen has been infested by itty bitty mice who have made confetti out of her linens and spreading feces on her china. I'm not sure, but I believe this might qualify as the smallest entry (by weight) in the never ending FMH Poop Chronicles.

Janet has tried to be humane in her attempt to rid her kitchen of her furry four footed guests. Her humanity and compassion are to be praised, but thus far have been ineffective. Her husband (of Porter Rockwell lineage) has taken increasingly drastic measures including "evil snap traps". Janet has even gone so far as to purchase Dcom in an effort to melt the little critters' nervous system.

Well, if I may be so bold, I'd like to add my suggestions to her list of rodent countermeasures to try. I have but two:

The M-84 Stun Grenade

Guaranteed to disable and disorient anything or anyone in the room. Also effective on annoying neighbors and packs of roving stray dogs. Comes in packages of three. Make sure to turn the gas off before throwing the device into the kitchen. Marketed as a non-lethal device, something sure to appeal to Janet's "marshmallow waffley liberal commie pinko" sensibilities.

The Desert Eagle 50


Sure to appeal to the Porter Rockwell half of the household. The downside is, identifying the remains of the little beasties might be difficult as the .50 cal round is almost bigger than the beastie itself. Another downside to this option is the possible separated shoulder resulting from the recoil.

Good luck defending your castle, Janet. These beasts are ferocious! And they have really sharp teeth!

On Halloween, the Bloggernacle was visited by zombies!!! EEEEEWWW! Yes, it is true. The Banner of Heaven is back from the grave!. They're coming to get you, Barbara!

Wrapping up the Butler Trifecta: Mark Butler takes himself seriously and thinks there are others who do too. We just don't believe that.

Well, do you (click for survey)?

UPDATE:errrrm...ah...yeah...well, owing to the situation we decided it would be in bad taste to go ahead with the result of the survey. The results were totally predictable anyway, so thanks everyone.

Pre-All Saints Eve Guest Post, by the spirit of Aaron B. Cox

Infinite conversational recursion of the sort where semantical obfuscation requires becoming the sole participant among a multitude of sycophants (less those are banned, deleted or require editing into conformity), who praise and emulate a further bloggerly host, and so on going both backward and forward an infinite number of bloggerations is the standard model of Latter-day Saint blogging cosmology, as initiated by Times and Seasons, but perfected by my own New Order Millennial Star.

Fortunately for me, since I am transcendentally brilliant, this model has many difficulties worthy of my considerations (since I am the only one capable of explicating such complexities of Platonic Mormonism, which Joseph Smith clearly espoused but which fact is obscure to all who fail to be inspired as I), difficulties that may be solved by transition between the sophisticated philosophies of learned men such as I and the subtle revelations of the Holy Spirit revealed to me, and back again. The oaks of Bashan and the cedars of Lebanon (which are the bloggers of the Naccle) shall be humbled and shall submit to a goodly cedar, even the New Order Millennial Star. For the LORD alone shall be exalted in that day, and anything He has to say to you will be through me.

Behold, I teach you the truth, the doctrine of INCORPORATION (a doctrine formerly known as the Atonement, which is wrong). If you are stupid, and question me, then I will delete your comments, because they are wrong, and I am right, because I am inspired, and you are not, as evidenced by your very comments. If you have no argument and no revelation, then I am unpersuaded, and therefore correct. QED.

Mark Butler is without question showing himself forth as one of the most accomplished and brilliant narcissists on the Bloggernacle. In only a couple of months he has effectively hijacked Millennial Star and turned it into his own bully pulpit of egomania, spreading forth all sorts of wacky doctrine ex cathedra, deleting all comments he doesn't like and editing the heck out of the ones that fail to praise his maniacal brilliance. It is only a matter of time before Mark starts banning anyone who dares question him, and why shouldn't he? That is what any good narcissist would do, and Mark is good.

What Bloggernacle newbie couldn't learn a few things from this master of craftsmanship? Geoff B has got to be cursing the day he invited him to join, having lost grip of M*'s reins as Mark wrenched them from his hands. And Clark Goble is presumably cursing his fate having at the very least tacitly approving his addition, and perhaps even endorsing it, given Mark's prior activity of Clark's philosophy page. Oh, cruel twists of fate!

Now, I know what you all are thinking, Mark Butler isn't real. He just can't be. Yes, on this anniversary of the demise of the Banner of Heaven, people suspect Mark Butler in fact the incarnation of none other than Aaron B. Cox come back to harangue us all with his prophetic wisdom. Could it be? Is Mark Butler the Aaron B. Cox doppleganger? If so, it would be a birthday present of such epic systems proportions no software engineer could possibly imagine, anyone who pulled such a hoax would have to have all human knowledge available at their fingertips, a veritable repository to store all knowledge in one model, which takes advantage of cURL too. Is this butlerm's xmission? To stage a man in the middle dot net attack?

Over at T&S, Jonathan Green suggests that the Church might learn a few lessons from the international marketing efforts of big corporations like Wal-Mart and McDonalds.

Indeed! And the Church has listened:

Learning from Wal-Mart's mistakes, to attract price-conscious German converts, the church will implement predatory pricing on tithing and other offerings.

Taking a cue from McDonalds, the Church will now use this new, revised logo on all German church buildings and missionary materials.
The Mormon Church: I'm lovin' it!

It was not confirmed, at the time of this writing, if the Church would authorize the granting of indulgences. Also, the initial idea of "drive-through" Sacrament distribution was scrapped due to the relatively high fuel prices prevalent in European markets.

BCC wants to be bigger, better, hipper and...well...more T&S-like than T&S, and the past couple of days have seen major accomplishments along those lines. Congratulations! BCC has descended into the downward spiral of petty infighting that spills over into blogspace in the same sophisticated and adroit manner T&S does on occasion.

J.Stapley's "No You're Not One of Us" piece has spun off some related sordid bits. While DMI Dave, formerly of BCC, eagerly distances himself from the fracas and The Chupacabra suggests everyone just chill out, it is plain the BCCers are not ready to douse the fire J.Stapley started. HD/JDC defends J.Stapley (probably because there is a secret BCC club for people with initialized first name letters of "J", given RT/JNS' support; shouldn't be too long before it is revealed Steve Evans' middle name is actually Julius and he starts posting as Super J. Enius), as Amri "note the lack of a J initial in my name" Brown points out all this petty tripe is a great load of rubbish.

Just look at all of these purveyors of Bloggernacle® obsessing about Bloggernacle®. Really, who gives a baboon's cheeky red bum what any of these people think? I don't care if their first initial is J. or not, for the life of me cannot understand why anyone else does. J.Stapley doesn't like angsty DAMUs? So what? Who cares what some preppie history-major-wannabe who wants to be so-cool-yeah-i-am-in-a-band in Seattle thinks?

For the piece de resistance, two BCC permabloggers will resign and be moved to emeritus status. Naturally they should be females, given T&S' lead. And, it will be great fodder for a "Hey why aren't there more female permabloggers in the Big Group Blogs" type post, which will devolve into banal sexism arguments.