File under: Covers

Watching Pixar
I feel safest of all
It won't hurt my kid's ears
It's the only way to blog
In cars

Here in my car
I can only receive
I can listen to you
Don't have to post for two days
In cars

Here in my car
Who says my image breaks down
Will you comment lots please?
Yes, its a crosspost
On cars

Here in my blog
I only wish I could think
of something original
Although nothing seems right
Only cars

Dazzle and Shizzle recently returned from the film set of a new Bloggernacle advertisement. We noted two Nacle stalwarts starring in the clandestine meeting of... the Mo-Men!

Steve Young: Welcome everyone, to the Mo-Man Law discussion group. Ricky, care to read the minutes from our last meeting?

Ricky Schroder: Unanimously approved Mo-Man law #452, stating "After a child's head strikes the chapel pew, fathers must remove the child from the chapel prior to the child's second breath inhalation."

Young: Thanks, Ricky. I'd like to welcome our newest member, Nevada's Senator Harry Reid.

Harry Reid: Do ya feel lucky, punks?

Young: Easy there, Senator... You're in the club. No need to impress anyone.

Reid: Thanks, fellas.

Young: It's always nice to have a prominent politician amongst our ranks.

Reid: It's my pleasure.

Young: Uh, I was referring to Governor Huntsman.

Reid: ...

Jon Huntsman, Jr.: Anyone got change for a million? I want to get a Caffeine Free Diet Coke from the machine downstairs.

Reid: Brethren, we need to speak about a matter of utmost importance. Something that affects every Brother in this country, and in fact, much of the world. It's an undue hardship to be borne thanks to the penny-pinching member among us. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

Ken Jennings: What are "Elders Quorum members moving a piano?" I'd like "Back Pain Remedies" for $500, Alex.

Michael McLean: Spoken like a true Elders Quorum president. If you can afford a piano, you can afford to pay someone to move it for you. It's unthinkable to have another man move your piano.

Rulon Gardner: Pianos ain't so bad. You guys are a bunch of soft wimps! Once you get them up on your back they're easy to move.

DKL: I hate those @$!*&% pianos.

Stephen R. Covey: Well put, DKL. I'm tired of moving other peoples' *@(!^%!%$ pianos, too.

Larry H. Miller: Pianos are the first thing loaded on the van, so the last thing to come off. You spend all day moving someone's crap into their house, and just when you're exhausted, you uncover the @$!*&% piano they didn't tell you about.

Jennings: What is, "Oops, didn't I tell you about the piano?" I'd like "Mormons are Cheapskates" for $800.

Donny Osmond: I propose a Mo-Man law. The "@(*%&!$* Piano Disclosure Law".

Young: Proposed Mo-Man law #453, "@(*%&!$* Piano Disclosure Law of 2006". Members requesting priesthood assistance to move must disclose any @(*%&!$* pianos they own. Legal counsel? I should note that Nate, the Mo-Man Chief Legal Counsel, was unable to make this meeting due to his new pointy-headed academic status.

Steve Evans: I think we need to clearly define what constitutes a "@(*%&!$* piano". Pianos should not be left to chance. Perhaps any musical instrument weighing over 50 pounds, or having a mean weight density greater than a #45 pail of cracked red wheat.

Young: So amended. All in favor?

Covey: I'll drink an IBC to that! Pass 'em around, gentlemen. Ricky, what's on the agenda for our next meeting?

Schroder: The next meeting shall address the concern "Does having the guys over to watch the BYU game count as a home teaching visit?"

Young: Thank you, brethren, for your work. This meeting is adjourned.

In the tradition of pummeling, kicking, smacking, and otherwise beating the dead horse subject of polygamy, FMHer Rebecca trots out the example of FMH's third most despised Apostle in order to make her point about the inequality inherent in the system.

I don't know about you, but a petition for the "removal" of an Apostle signed by a grand total of 142 people - including Usama bin Laden and Belezebub - is quite comical. I'm sure the site's owner was grateful for the FMH plug.

Then, of course, come the comments. The Apostle in question recently remarried - in the Temple (thus drawing the ire of the FMH community) - after the death of his first wife. I thought one of the tenets of true feminism was the requirement to judge women by their accomplishments, intellect, and social graces rather than age and appearance.

One of the highlights of the "discussion" was this gem:

Also, I was more disturbed by the relative youth of Elder Nelson's new wife than by his polygamy. Does anyone know if this is a recent picture? She looks young enough to be his daughter.

Well, there's a woman who truly *judges* people she's never met based solely on a picture. True feminism.

Then, true to form, other FMH peanut gallery regulars stand, grab the nearest rock, and proceed to criticize this woman's written work despite the fact few if any have actually read what she wrote.

Yep, this is true compassion and tolerance on parade.

Since BYU is out of session, Daniel Peterson, occasional Naccler, is bored and trolling for fun. So he hops onto google and site searches his name to turn up a thread that is over a year old and takes a hyper-literal approach to something obviously tongue in cheek in order to stir up some trouble. Then he hops on over onto to a more recent thread to share the love by resurrecting it too after three days in the tomb, firing all rockets on full. How nice. Ah, those out-of-work, apologists got to keep the saw sharp somehow when the anti-mormons aren't biting.

File under: Semi-solicited advice

Roo has a problem, and needs our help. I hereby tender my advice:

First, remember the counsel we receive in the New Testament:

"I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."

Judging by scriptural reference alone, they're allowed to hit your house--penalty free--up to 490 times. We recommend you keep a log book and document the time and date of each ball that pelts your house or garden. If you can specifically document any past infractions, your tally will go up faster.

Now, ball #491? That's a different story. Display a banner on the side of your home indicating "Roo's new foul ball policy":


We remain confident that your home will no longer be the batting cage backstop.

Disclaimer: SN Industries, Ltd. semi-solicited advice is offered without warranty or guarantee. SN Industries assumes no responsibility for consequences resulting from use of the information contained herein or in any respect for the content of such information. Shizzle owes me $10. SN Industries expressly disclaims all liability for, damages of any kind arising out of use, reference to, reliance on, or performance of such information.

Bob, of Bob and Logan decided to try to shill his "brandnew" used books on BCC, as opposed to his own blog and it looks like he got shot down pretty quick. But, not before we could make a screen grab:



Hey, when your own blog gets no traffic, why not use your Author status at a big blog to make sure you get top dollar for your cast offs? Hey works for me. Anyone interested in some little white sun dresses with embroidered hems?

Having nothing else to discuss and nothing original to say, everyone else is now jumping on the gay bandwagon. Even The Wiz at MMW got into the action with euphemistic talk of twinkies.

Mokey see, monkey do. The only benefit of this is it will completely exhaust the subject for at least a couple of months once its all over and done with.

P.S., Kaimi, you are just upset the Snarkette ignored your pathetically weak, not to mention hypocritical, snark submission. Next time get a screengrab and send it in with your submission, then maybe we'll use it.